Page 17 of Blue

My guts knotted as I waited for his reaction. Maybe something was wrong with me. I’d intimidated a drug dealer into killing himself, yet all I felt was fucking relief that he’d never touch Kiss again.

Rogue took another sip of coffee. As he swallowed, a muscle clenched in his jaw. “Is there any way he can be connected back to Kiss?”

“I wouldn’t be here if there was. The trailer is a vacant rental in a trailer park called Shady Valley. The guy’s name was Sam. He broke into the trailer, loaded the syringe, and he delivered the dose. Just anotherdead junkie in a bathtub. Nothing to say we were even there.”

“Any witnesses?”

“Nah. Neighbors were too busy watching the raid to notice anything else.”

“If you hear a fucking whisper about it, you come to me first.” Rogue put a cigarette between his lips. “You need to let them work it out,” he said about Jazzy and Kiss. “Let’s take a walk.”

I followed Rogue to the door.

Kiss launched to her feet. “Are you leaving?”

I hitched my thumb toward the door. “I’m just stepping out.”

“Don’t go. I mean, don’t leave me.”

“I’ll be right outside the door.”

“Okay.” She slowly lowered to the couch, and I joined Rogue on the small deck.

“What’s going on with you and Kiss?” Rogue exhaled a stream of smoke into the crisp morning air.

“Just friends.” I leaned forward and rested my forearms on the wood railing. “I fucked up letting her crash at Indulgence. She never should have been messed up in the shit with Bullet and his old lady.” I picked at a splinter of wood on the railing.

“You were trying to help her. I get it. We’ve all tried.”

I shrugged. “She was hitting the methadone clinic. She was doing good. Then I got hurt, and she had nowhere to go. She won’t go to treatment again. She said she needs Jazzy.”

“Jazzy can get her through detox, but she can’t keep her clean. That’s all on Kiss.” Rogue pulled another long drag off his cigarette. “Blue, she’s a nice girl, but she’s toxic. She won’t stay clean, and this won’t last. Kissalways goes back to black, and then she’ll be gone again.” He flicked his thumbnail against the butt of his cigarette. “I’m not going to let her pull you down with her.”

“You don’t have to worry about me. I wouldn’t touch heroin.”

He pivoted toward me. “Fuck, I’m not worried about drugs. I’m talking about a dead dealer in a bathroom. I’m talking about how killing changes a man. I’m talking about you.” He was quiet as he squinted into the sunshine. “You don’t have to say anything. Just listen. Fixing Kiss isn’t going to fix you.”

Uneasiness prickled along my spine. There was nothing wrong with me that I was willing to talk about. That Rogue could see my cracks had nausea burning in my gut.

“I’m fine.”

Rogue snorted. “Talk to Dozer about saying shit is fine. Fucking insecure, numb, and empty. He gets himself straight in the basement with a good fight.”

I had my bike. I loved the MC but fuck the brotherhood. “I’m good.”

Rogue released a heavy exhale. “You have friends, Blue.” He glanced over his shoulder. “Just don’t expect too much out of this.”

I didn’t know why, but it pissed me off that he warned me off Kiss. I wasn’t ignoring her past, but she’d asked for Jazzy. This time, she was the one asking for help. “Maybe you should expect more.”

A moment passed, then Rogue chuckled. “Fuck, kid, maybe you’re what she needs.”

Those were words I wanted to hear, but Rogue was wrong. I wasn’t what she needed. Black had poisoned Kiss, but I didn’t need a substance to fuck up my life. I’dnever be clean. And I’d never be anything more than her friend.

Kiss

I hated to think about my past. I hated the things I’d done, and I hated the things I’d done to others. I’d lied, stolen, and cheated. I was a shitty friend. Unless I needed something, then I could be charming. I could smile, flirt and fuck to get what I wanted. And I always wanted black.

When I was high, I didn’t have a history. I floated, blissfully unaware of anything but the smooth glide of euphoria through my veins. Black made me forget about anything but getting high.

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