Page 96 of Blue

“Should I be jealous?”

“No worries, baby. I’ve been fucking my fist to thoughts of you for the last six months. I’m only into one blonde ball handler.” He wrapped me into his arms, holding me for several long minutes. I could feel the trembling in his body. The moment of levity hadn’t diminished the seriousness of the quietly spoken secrets.

“Can I tell you everything?” he whispered against my ear.

I gave an almost imperceptible nod.

“I’m scared, Kiss.”

“Of telling me?” My voice was a whisper between us.

“I don’t want the fucked up shit in my past to change how you see me.”

For a moment, he just breathed. I understood what he was going through. My life felt so out of control because my past had put me on a collision course with a future I couldn’t escape. The only thing to do was hit the brakes.

I nudged closer to him. “This is when you trust me, Blue.” The way I’d trusted him with my darkest truths.

“I was twelve the first time he jacked me off.”

I stilled, my breath growing shallow.

“That was just the first time. And only the beginning. It didn’t take long before he tried to get me to kiss him. When I turned my head, he held me down.He fucking sucked on my lips. I refused to open my mouth. He even tried cutting off my breath to force my mouth open. Sometimes, I can still smell the stench of his breath burned into my nostrils.”

My heart thudded with an empty ache.

“He found ways to break me. He fucked with my head, telling me it was my fault he was attracted to me. He had me, Kiss. I was so fucking scared someone would find out. Carl and my dad are like brothers. They’re in business together. My dad has brains, but Carl has capital.”

He twirled a lock of my hair around his finger. “One day, we were alone at the lake house. I fucking hate everything about the lake. That’s where he ruined my life. He’d convinced my dad that lake swimming would build my strength. I had height, but not the muscle mass. Carl was a division one swimmer at Stanford. He said I had talent but no chance at a scholarship without his help. Swimming created opportunity for Carl to get me alone.”

He grew still behind me.

“In the beginning, I was so fucking afraid of him. The longer time went on, the more fucking brazen he became. He’d suck me off, then threaten to destroy my family if I didn’t blow him. I fucking believed him. But he made sure I wouldn’t talk. I can never say shit about what happened.” He gripped me hard. Tears dripped onto my neck where he buried his face. I closed my eyes as my own tears soaked my cheeks.

“He has receipts, Kiss. He took photos and videos. But just of me with his dick in my fucking mouth. Nothing of what he did to me. Are you ready for the sick fucking part?”

How much more did he have to suffer?

“When I was fifteen, I told my sister. She called me a liar. Not only did she turn on me, but my parents didn’t believe me either. They found a fucking therapist who told them I was trying to get attention. The worst part, Cara told Jalen. I lost my best friend. Of course, he told his dad. We had a big family meeting.”

“What the fuck is wrong with your parents?” Mothers were supposed to protect their children, and fathers were supposed to fight for them.

Blue’s voice became a whisper. “The cost of believing me was too high. Nothing was ever the same after that. No one was going to do anything about it, and Carl knew it. Instead of taking me to train for swimming, he took me to hotels. The real fucking nightmare began, and I didn’t know how to fight him. So, I didn’t.”

No wonder he had issues with physical touch. The two people who should’ve protected him sacrificed him to a monster instead.

I rolled over and stared into his face. Tears blurred my vision, trickled onto my lips, and soaked into the pillow. Every word had me drowning in empathy, but nothing I could say would fix this. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not a virgin, Kiss. Carl took all my firsts.”

More tears filled my eyes. “He stole your innocence, but he doesn’t get all your firsts.”

He wiped my cheek with his thumb. “There’s nothing left, baby.”

I leaned up and stared at him. So beautiful, and those blue eyes. Muted light from the moon cut across the smooth hills and valleys of his torso.

“Look at me.” I lowered my voice, making him focus on my face and lips to hear me. “I want to be the only one who touches you.” I softly kissed his lips. “I want tobe the first thing you see every morning when you wake up beside me.” I kissed his sternum. “I want to beyourfirst.”

I brushed my lips over his flat, muscle-honed belly. “I’m the first woman you tasted, the first woman you kissed, the first—” I lifted my gaze to his. “I’ll be the first—the only woman you’ll be inside of. I want to be your first love.”

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