Page 9 of Blue

Everything good in my life turned to shit, so why try?

Blue groaned. One arm rested across his stomach, and the other draped over his head. He was so beautiful, and he was built like a god.

I hadn’t touched enough of his body, but he was fit as hell. He had the longest, darkest lashes of any guy I’d ever met. Strong shoulders tapered to a trim waist. He was lean muscles and oozed fuck boy vibes. Only he wasn’t.

I’d asked him if he’d gotten his road name because of his piercing blue eyes. He’d laughed and told me why the Hellers called him Blue.

But if he’d just needed to get his dick wet, he could’ve fucked one of Bullet’s girls.

He could’ve fucked me. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t given off the signals. My name was Shae, but they called me Kiss for a reason. Flirting wasn’t my problem. I didn’t do anything just a little. Not drugs, not men, not fucking up. All in, all the time.

But Blue had made his interest clear or rather his lack of interest. Friendzone only. Every time I touched him, he pulled away. I understood. Not that I expected more. No one wanted a junkie for a girlfriend. He was still the only good thing in my life, but I was toxic to his.

Given enough time, he’d either get tired of me or I’d end up poisoning him. I was always in too deep. It was better if I drowned alone.

Another wave of nausea rushed through me. I curled into a ball and wrapped my arms around myknees, but I couldn’t fight the fear slipping like venom in my veins.

Dope sick was a terrible feeling. How bad would it get this time? I didn’t want Blue to see me going through withdrawals.

Staying on my hands and knees, I quietly crawled my way to the bedroom across the hall. A soft glow from the neighbor’s trailer filtered through the blinds. Cruz and Kane slept along the edge of the wall, and Sam was just inside the open closet door.

Carpet abraded my knees. My body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds as I forced myself to move toward him. My fingers trembled as I rested my hand on his shoulder. I leaned closer, but I was afraid to speak.

His eyes slowly opened, and then snapped wide as he shifted his gaze behind me. I held my finger to my lips. He nodded. I inched back, and he pointed to the hall.

Soundlessly, I stood, and he followed me. Once in the hall, he opened the bathroom door.

As soon as the door quietly clicked shut, Sam twisted the lock. Then he turned to me. “Who the fuck is he to you?”

Sam had been violent to me before, but I never fought back. I’d always been desperate to please him. He had what I needed, and I didn’t have money to pay for it. “He’s just a friend.”

“A fuck friend? Because I know you. Maybe you used to be a club princess, but you sold your crown for smack.”

My dad had been an original member of the Heller Raiders, but I’d never felt like a club princess. Not the way Jazzy and Levi fit in with the group. I had Romeo.Although, he never really had time for me unless we were getting high on weed and fucking. I knew I was easy and convenient, but at least when I was with him, I felt like part of the crew. We used each other and hurt others. We both hurt Levi.

“I’m not part of the MC anymore. Blue is a friend.”

“Another hookup? Was Tinder-ella out looking for plugs?”

Even if I wanted to find a source on the dating app, I didn’t have a phone anymore. “No.”

“Have you fucked him?”

I flinched from the cutting edge of his voice. “No.”

Although, I’d dreamed about Blue so many times that the whispered word felt like a lie. He was much more than a friend, but he’d never be mine, not the way I imagined when I had been fighting my demons every day to stay clean.

I was dirty and so tired of fighting. After Blue was hurt, I didn’t want to fight anymore.

“Don’t fucking lie to me.”

I tried to focus on Sam, but my vision swam with tears. “I’m not,” I whispered, reminding him we needed to be quiet.

He closed the space between us, wrapped his hand around my throat, and backed me against the linen closet. “You’re my whore, Kiss.”

“Blue doesn’t want me like that.” My nails dug into his wrist as I tried to break his hold. “I promise.”

Although my promises were worthless. I’d broken every one I’d ever made. I’d promised my dad I’d never be a junkie like my mother. But he had broken his promise to me. He said he’d always be there. He promised not to leave me. And then he died.

---