Page 74 of Blue

“Your scars make you beautiful.” She turned and stared at me. “No one has ever made me feel the way you do. I love everything about you, even that you’re a Heller,” she said. “The MC is always going to be important.”

Her gaze held me hostage, wanting to believe she could love me, but she didn’t know about the dark shit in my past. “Not more important than you.”

“I was talking to Sully today. I want to be a Heller again. Earning back everyone’s trust, especially Levi’sand Romeo’s is going to be hard. I have too many fucked up secrets.”

Not more than me.

“I don’t know how I’ll tell Blade the truth about Razor.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t.” Not all secrets should be shared. “If there is a god, then he’s sent Razor to hell. He didn’t just fuck you up. From what I was told, he was poison to the club.”

“I have to own the mistakes I’ve made. I chose to do drugs. I chose to lie. I hate what you must think about me.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

She arched a brow. “My body count is humiliating. I can’t run from my reputation.”

First fucking thing either of us said that felt good to hear. I couldn’t stop the smile on my lips. She worried about how many guys she’d fucked, and I wanted to be one of them.

“Are you laughing?”

“Come on. You know it’s funny. We all have shit in our past. The only body count Hellers worry about is how many we have to bury.”

A shy smile curved her lips. “Considering Levi was the only virgin in the group, I suppose you’re right.” Her eyes widened. “Not that there is anything wrong with being a virgin. Levi wouldn’t care that Romeo rode girls more than he rode his Harley. I just mean, I’m glad you aren’t judging me, either. Oh, god, I’m shutting up now.”

“I think you’ve forgotten what it means to be a Heller.”

“I think it’s the opposite. I do remember. I have to try to make things right with the crew. You’ll be livingthere, and I want to spend time with you. I know I can’t go back to hanging out in the playhouse.”

The guys had told me stories about the old mausoleum behind the clubhouse. They were kids causing mischief while their dads raised hell, earning the name Hellers.

“I’ve never been back there,” I said.

“I’ll take you. There used to be a tire swing out back, too.” She smiled, her eyes sparkling in the moonlight. “It’s been a while since I remembered the good times. I won’t rush my recovery, but I don’t want to be afraid of the MC. Will you bring me to church on Friday night? I’d love to see Jazzy get her patch.”

“I think you should wait.”

She blinked a few times, and she sank her teeth into her bottom lip. “Why?”

“I just think after a couple weeks of meetings and counseling you’ll be stronger.” And I’d have time to talk to Blade, convince him that she could handle the club.

“I’m strong enough now. I should’ve been there for Sully. I should’ve been there when one of my best friends lost his dad and became president. Dozer’s dad is in prison. Levi and Romeo have a baby, but I’ve been too selfish and self-absorbed to care about anything but the next high. I know I fucked up, and I know I’m only here now because of you.”

Tears slipped down her cheeks, and she braced her hands on the ledge.

“I’m not going to use.” She glanced at me. “Do you believe me?”

My gut clenched, a lie poised on the tip of my tongue. I didn’t know what to believe. Instead, I stayed silent.

“I’m ready to go home.” She spun her legs back over the side of the wall.

“I can’t take you to the club.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

I swallowed the regret lodged in my throat. “I can’t.”

“Why?”

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