Page 56 of Blue

“Why?”

I waited. The quietness of the room grew thick and heavy.

“I’m broken, baby.” In the darkness, he pivoted toward me, his hands found me, cradled my face, and his lips brushed against mine. “You can’t fix me.”

Tears filled my eyes and slipped onto my cheeks. “Can we just try?”

“Fuck. Don’t cry.” He pulled me into his arms. His chest was smooth against my cheek. His rampant heartbeat thudded against my ear, but his skin was warm. I wanted to hold him with the same intensity, but I didn’t want him to pull away.

“I want to be your girlfriend. I want this, too.”

His arms loosened. “I don’t know how, but we can try.”

Blue

Kiss shifted out of my arms. The mattress dipped as she positioned next to me. “Do you know why you don’t like to be touched? Maybe we could try something small, like a back massage. Or if you wanted, we could just lie together, skin to skin.”

She wanted conversation, and I couldn’t fucking breathe. Fear coiled around my chest, squeezing, and forcing the air from my lungs. I waited, my dick limpand my balls trying to crawl back inside my fucking body.

I reached for her hand and pressed it to my chest.

“I need words, Blue.”

“Less talking,” I said. More touching. But, I wasn’t ready to say that either.

“You could growl if you like something and hiss if you hate it.”

Her small hand rested on my chest, then gently smoothed over my shoulder. A lump lodged in my throat. I swallowed hard, forcing my body to remain still. Then her fingers curled, and her nails lightly raked along my arm.

A shiver ripped over me, and goosebumps peppered my flesh. A hiss escaped my lips, and she stilled, then slowly pulled her hand away.

If I didn’t want to lose her, I needed to figure my shit out. Alcohol had always done a good job of dulling my senses, but I couldn’t depend on a substance as a crutch with Kiss. If she couldn’t use to dull her defects, neither would I.

I leaned over and turned on the light. I stared hard into her eyes. “I’m yours, Kiss. I want to try, too.” I tapped my temple. “This is where I’m fucked up. You’re not going to fix me, but you’re not going to hurt me, either.” I linked our fingers and held her hand to my heart. “Touch me. Kiss me.”

She touched my stomach, and my muscles contracted.

“What happens to you when I do this?” Her fingers feathered along my skin at the waistband of my jeans. “Do you get hard when you think of me touching your cock?”

“Everything about you makes me hard.”

Pressure hammered against my ribs. Her hands were small and soft, and her touch was delicate. Nothing about her should be firing this much adrenaline through my veins. I inhaled hard and slowly exhaled.

Her movements stilled. “I can’t do this, Blue.” Fat tears rolled down her cheeks. “I can’t hurt you to love you.”

I leaned in and kissed her trembling lips. “I want this—” I fought tears of my own. “I want you. So fucking bad.”

“Then fight for us.”

Did she want me to cut open my chest and bleed my secrets? I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to let my past poison my future.

“I’m trying,” I said. “I don’t know what to do.”

Sitting with her trim legs crossed, she nodded and tapped her fingers against her lip. I loved the way her thoughts played across her face. One perfectly shaped brow arched high into her forehead. A mischievous smile curled the corner of her lips. “Do you want to play a game?”

I shook off the dejected feeling crushing my chest. Redirection was good. Great actually. The less we focused on me, the less I’d have to explain. “What are the rules?”

“Okay.” She scrambled to the side. “Sit in the middle of the bed and face the television.”

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