Page 29 of Blue

Relief flooded through me and filled my eyes with tears.

Kiss: Me, too.

I wiped wetness from my cheeks and eyes so I could see the screen and the buttons to push on the phone.

Blue: I can’t come up. Meet me at the bottom of the stairs?

I chewed my lip and listened to Jazzy’s light snores. Even if she woke up and found me gone, I wasn’t technically breaking her rules. I didn’t trust myself to leave, either. I’d stay on the stairs.

Kiss: Okay.

With the blanket still wrapped around me, I slid off the couch, tiptoed to the door, and quietly turned the doorknob. The first step out of the apartment, and the security light flipped on. I hurried and closed the door.

As I came down the stairs, Blue walked out of the side entrance of the house. His shoulders slumped, and his gaze focused on the driveway. His straight brown hair flopped onto his face. Light from the street caughtthe sharp angle of his jaw and the fullness of his lips. He wasn’t smiling.

A loose T-shirt with a stretched neck draped his torso, and a pair of jeans hung on his hips. He lifted his head, and our gazes met. A storm of lust and need swirled inside me. He made me feel things I didn’t need drugs to hide. He made me feel seen.

“Hi.” I sat on the bottom step, and he sat next to me. The light at the top of the stairs automatically shut off. “We have to be quiet. Jazzy is asleep.”

Blue leaned forward and rested his elbows on the torn knees of his jeans. “Is she still pissed?”

“I don’t think so.” I was pretty sure Rogue fucked any attitude out of her. “What happened today?”

He shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it. I feel like shit. Did she say anything after I left?”

I sighed and wrapped my arms around my shins. “Same as always. I don’t inspire a lot of trust in people. She doesn’t want me to use you as an excuse to get high.”

Silence stretched between us. I needed to make this right. I’d fallen hard for this man, but I could crush the butterflies in my belly. I had to because I couldn’t lose my best friend.

“I’m sorry, Blue.”

“I told you. What happened wasn’t your fault.”

“Because I didn’t punch the wall?” I released a breath and tried to calm the flutter in my chest. I didn’t do well with confrontation, and I did even worse with rejection. “It’s not fun to be me,” I whispered.

He leaned over and kissed my temple. “I wouldn’t want you to be anyone else.”

This was why he confused me. Obviously, I couldn’t tell the difference between platonic and passion. I’dnever had a real boyfriend, and I’d kissed all my friends and fucked a lot of them.

I leaned my head against his shoulder. “I wish we could start over.”

“I know, right now, it feels like you’re starting over, but maybe you needed those experiences to finally decide you want to stay clean.”

I lifted my head, turned to him, and my brows pinched. “I’m talking about us.” I was determined to quit black. But I kept hurting Blue. “Can we just focus on the good parts of our friendship?” A nervous laugh slipped from my lips. Anything to cut the anxiety building inside me. “I’ll knock off the lingering come fuck me stares, and you won’t have to avoid touching me.”

Blue pivoted toward me. “I don’t avoid touching you.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to protect my feelings.I’m handling my shit.” I used his words to make light of the tension between us. “I know I can be clingy, especially because of how I feel about you.”

Blue stared into the night. His knee bounced, and his shoulders rolled.

Tears burned in my throat, but he wasn’t responding, so, I kept babbling.

“I don’t want us to be awkward. Maybe I’m making it worse by talking about it, but I hate how I’m feeling inside. I like you, but it’s okay that you don’t feel the same way about me. I don’t want to lose our friendship. I mean, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I know I don’t have a good track record when it comes to friends, but…” I gulped a breath. “Please say something.”

The moment stretched, and the silence suffocated. Finally, he dipped his head. “It isn’t you.”

Oh, god.The it’s not you, it’s me speech. I didn’t need to hear it. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.” I had to go before my tears made the situation unbearable. I stood.

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