Page 28 of Blue

“That’s it, baby. Bite me. Hold on.”

A flood of heat coursed through me, burning through my nipples, sizzling along my spine, and pooling in my pussy. Footsteps shuffled across the room, and a door closed. I opened my eyes and leanedup on my elbow. A sliver of light from inside the bathroom cut the darkness.

Rolling over, I pulled the blanket to my head. I pretended I couldn’t hear Rogue’s muffled words or Jazzy’s gasps of pleasure. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t wish I was her. Only I’d be with Blue, and he’d be desperate to be inside me.

I wasn’t tired. I wasn’t hungry. I wanted what Jazzy had. I wanted…

I wanted to get high.

Saliva pooled in my mouth, making me gag, and causing my jaw to clench. Bitterness crawled up my throat and coated my tongue. This was my lover’s touch. Dark and dirty. Raw and needy. Black would take me back.

Tears filled my eyes. I was so tired of crying. Crying because I didn’t want to use. Crying when I didn’t have money for heroin. Crying because my life was a mess.

I balled my hands into fists and burrowed them beneath the blanket. The craving would pass. Breathe in. Exhale out. I’d done this before, and everything was temporary. The high, the comedown, and the fucking need for more.

Sweat beaded on my brow, and my heart felt as if it slammed against my ribs. Every beat hurt as blood rushed through my veins.

I curled into a ball, squeezed my eyes closed, and simply breathed.Inhale. Exhale.

Counting to ten, I anchored to the moment. I focused, slowed my breaths, then counted to twenty. I had a conversation in my head. I made a list of all I’d lose if I gave in to my addiction. I only needed to remember I’d lose Blue.

When I’d been in the wilderness treatment center, the councilors had given me coping skills. Stay present in the craving and accept that it would pass. Never give up my power. But I couldn’t go for a run here. I’d run until I found a source. There weren’t horses waiting for an apple, but there was the back of a Harley.

But I promised Jazzy. She made the rules, and Blue didn’t speak my love language. I needed physical touch. And I wanted to be what he needed.

The bathroom door opened, and light spilled into the room.

“Get some sleep,” Rogue whispered to Jazzy, and then he crossed the room and slipped out into the night.

The bathroom light switched off, the bedding rustled, and just like a Heller after sex, she went to sleep. Less than five minutes later, her soft snores echoed through the room. I sat up on the couch. Once I came, I felt like I could run a marathon. I wanted a snack, conversation, and a hit of something.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had an orgasm. Blue thought I’d slept with Sam for black, but I hadn’t. That I’d sucked his dick was vile enough. I’d hated it, but I’d done worse. That was the worst part of addiction. Getting clean meant getting clarity. I hated who I’d been. High Kiss didn’t care.

Now that Rogue had left and Jazzy slept, I reached to the table, grabbed my new phone, and clutched it in my hand. I couldn’t see Blue, but I couldn’t be apart from him either.

Kiss: Are you asleep?

Would texting wake him up?

My phone vibrated. I breathed a sigh of relief that I’d turned off the ringer because I didn’t want to wake up Jazzy.

Blue: I’m here.

Kiss: Here, as in you’re awake, or here, that you’re next door?

Blue: Both.

Dots appeared. Then disappeared. Then reappeared again. Finally, a text popped through.

Blue: I’m sorry about today.

I snuggled into the couch and replied.

Kiss: Me, too.

I wanted to text that I missed him and that I wanted to see him but didn’t want to make our friendship any more awkward.

Blue: I miss you. I want to see you.

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