Page 18 of Blue

Jazzy didn’t know all my secrets. She didn’t know I’d sucked and fucked Blade’s dad for black, didn’t know I’d stolen money and weed from Romeo, and she didn’t know I’d slept with Crawlers to get high.

Bullet knew. He’d seen me at their clubhouse. I’d believed him when he claimed to leave the Hellers. I used his betrayal of the club to justify my own. I’d been too high to see the truth. Actually, I was too high to care.

Tears filled my eyes. There was no way for me to make things right. Why was I even trying?

My gaze drifted to the crack in the curtains. Blue leaned against the wooden rail. His cut stretched across the muscular contours of his back. The Heller Raiders patch reminded me of the boys I’d used to kiss in the basement of the MC.

Kissing Heller boys. That’s how I got my name. No one remembered the insecure girl named Shae with a drugged-out mom who walked away and a biker dad who cared more for the MC than he did his daughter.

“Do you know what you want?”

Jazzy’s voice cut through my bad trip down memory lane.

I glanced at Blue. I knewwhoI wanted.

“Yeah, I do.”

Her gaze followed mine. “He’s here, Kiss. But he can’t do this for you. It’s all on you, baby girl.”

“I don’t want to go back to rehab. It won’t work for me. The councilors will tell me to make new friends and to stay away from my triggers. I can make anything a trigger. I don’t need a reason to use.” I blinked to keep tears from my eyes. “But I have a reason to get clean.”

Jazzy covered my hand with hers. “He won’t be enough.”

I glanced at Blue once more, then turned to Jazzy. “Are you close to him?”

“To Blue?”

I nodded.

“As close as anyone.”

Did she know he had secrets, too? I didn’t care about much when I was high, but I’d couldn’t forget the way he looked and the things he said before he stuck the needle in his arm. Maybe broken needed broken. I needed Blue, but maybe he needed me more.

“He works for Bullet,” I said.

Bullet was a pimp and was always surrounded by beautiful women. Women who liked to fuck. I couldn’t stop wondering if that was why Blue never made a move on me. I’d rather think of him getting his dick wet in Bullet’s girls because the alternative was that he couldn’t stand the thought of being with me.

Why would he? I was a whore for black.

Jazzy smiled. “He used to work for Bullet, but Bullet shut down Indulgence. He got married last night. I don’tthink anyone was more shocked than Bullet that Stormy said yes.”

Holy shit. Bullet married. This was the stuff that hurt…that had always hurt. Clinging to Romeo had been my only way of masking my insecurity. Romeo and I were a bad habit. He could pretend he didn’t want Levi, and I could pretend to be a part of the crew.

I knew we weren’t together. Romeo never chased after me, and he didn’t care if I slept with other guys. He’d claimed we couldn’t cheat on each other because we weren’t in a relationship. He didn’t do relationships.

He was a liar. He’d always been in a relationship with Levi. I’d hated her as much as I loved her because Romeo was so protective of her, but sex was all he wanted from me.

“You’ll like Stormy,” Jazzy said. “The MC has changed since Razor died. I know it’s going to hurt to see Romeo and Levi together, but you can’t let it be a reason to use again.”

“I always knew they’d end up together. Romeo couldn’t go to bed at night without checking in on her. And Levi was my best friend.” I sighed. “I know I wasn’t a good friend to her. I knew how she felt about him, and I still went after him.”

Jazzy crossed her legs and pivoted toward me. “They’re good together. She keeps him on his toes. I figured they’d be the first to get married.” She laughed. “Bullet works fast.”

I could imagine the celebration. No one would’ve guessed Bullet would ever give up his girls. Maybe he hadn’t. Just because he shut down his massage parlor, didn’t mean he wasn’t still keeping his whores busy at the MC.

“Does Blue fuck around with the Heller whores in the MC?”

“He’s not like Romeo if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ve never seen him hook up with a girl, and he’s not smashing any of Bullet’s whores. But Kiss, he’s not a reason to get clean.”

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