Page 31 of Testing the Kot'oll Officer

Is that the case?

I rub my eyes as tiredness creeps up at me. Maybe that means taking extra shifts just so I can keep my mind busy isn't the right thing to do either. My boss didn't let me take up everything either, which I didn't argue with.

She comes over and hugs me. I grab her at once, wrapping my arms around her waist, and pull her head to my chest, not wanting to waste the moment. She lets out a soft moan and pats my back. "I miss this. It's not all or nothing, Vatok. In the bar, I have the bouncer there to help if something really bad happens. And I can have you in my mind to help even though you can't be there with me through every shift. Imagine before I asked for help, huh? The creepers remain and we can only do our best."

"Does that mean I should have never helped? The result seems to be the same."

She pulls back from my chest and hisses at me, sending my inside tumbling. "Stop the silliness. I was trying to handle that differently, which didn't turn out to be driving away everything annoying. but now here we are, with a chance to give our relationship a real try."

I watch her, even though my guts scream at me to give us a try, and my arms twitch to hold her, I don't know... "Julie, I really care about you and I think you should be with a better male than me."

She scowls. "I don't understand you. Just because you think that you can't be there with me every single second of the day, you decided you will not even be in a second of my life? Your ass didn't even have the courage to talk to me face to face, arms to arms."

I swallow. Now that she puts it this way... It sounds like I did make a mistake.

I remain quiet as my thoughts get noisy. I want to be with her but at the same time... Even though she said that it's impossible to fail her, it still feels like I may not be the right being for her.

She sighs. “Does that mean you don't want to try? I miss the way we connected, the way you understood me in a way no one else has. It wasn’t just some fleeting moment. I think we’re stronger than the odds stacked against us. Don’t you see that?”

"I do want to try, but I can't help but fear the potential fallout. I feel like I'm trying to balance everything without falling apart."

Julie's expression softens. “You've thought that I'm crazy, right? How about this? We'll just jump and see where we land. No one's dying. And... I miss our time together, even though it won't be every single second of the day. Trust me a bit more. I can handle myself without you, big guy. Don't think of yourself as a super being.”

I take a breath again. This time, I think I'm ready. Maybe she has a point. Our relationship may fail, but if I don't give it a try, I'd always think about the what-ifs.

Chapter 15

Julie

So... I watch Vatok for another moment. He looks at me too, with his eyes that are so sharp and intense that they may pierce through me. "Vatok..." I murmur, my voice steady yet laced with hesitation.

He holds me in his four arms, but he's still not saying a thing.

I take a deep breath, feeling the weight of what I’m about to say. “I think... I think that even when we try to avoid it, there’s something real between us. It might be reckless, it might be chaotic, but it'll probably be worth it." I put up a smile, trying to loosen up the tension. "You know I'm all about the chaos and you enjoy our time together."

His gaze shifts to the street, a faint hint of vulnerability cracking through his stoic exterior.

He looks down at my hand resting on him, then back at my eyes, a lingering moment that stretches, inviting connection. I hope he sees that I’m not frightened of what we could become, only excited for the possibilities that lie ahead.

He clears his throat. “I don’t want this to be just some impulse." He lifts his two upper arms and stretches them into the sky. "I want this to be serious and real."

"Okay, what do you have in mind?"

His words hang in the air, charged with a gravity that both comforts and unnerves me.

I take a step back, letting our bodies part just enough so I can gauge his expression without the overwhelming pull of his embrace. It is too tempting to lose myself in his hugs.

He continues, “I want us to explore this... whatever this is. But I need to know you’re in it because you want to, not because I may be able to help, not because I look intimidating, only because you want to give our relationship a try."

I chuckle at that. "You can't scare me away with four arms." I pat his arm. "I’ve thought about this a lot. I’m ready for real. I've felt it for a while, and I can't pretend anymore. I think I'm not completely innocent either. I really did become kind of dependent on you to feel safe in the bar, which I think gave you pressure to be there with me too.”

I stand with my chest up. "But I've realized that now. We can be together, and you can come to the bar when you have the time for that, like how it used to be. And most of the time, you can get off work and head home like most of the other officers."

"Yes, I think that will work." He pulls me to him again, leaning so closely to me that our lips almost touch. "Let's be mates, at least give that a try."

"Good. Think about the things and chores I can get you to do with those arms."

He smirks. "There are far better things for me to do with these than chores." He wriggles all his fingers. "Look, I can—"

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