Page 29 of Testing the Kot'oll Officer

After that phone call, he didn't show up in the bar, which I expected. It would just be awkward and I doubt that would be better than his absence in terms of keeping weird patrons away from me. Those never cared. maybe I should learn not to let them get to me either. Then... I won't need Vatok around.

But I want him around...

I open my eyes and gaze at the horizon, but the vibrant colors no longer seem to hold the same allure. Instead, they remind me of longing—a yearning for a connection that feels both exhilarating and suffocating.

I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with the scent of grass and blooming flowers, trying to ground myself. Shaking my head, I remind myself that our time together was built on pretenses, elaborate enough to fool others, but brittle beneath the surface. Maybe I did fool myself at times too.

Just as my thoughts whirl, a bark from the shelter calls me back to the present. A scruffy zebaba races across the yard, tail wagging furiously as he chases after a butterfly. His joy is infectious, lifting a corner of my mouth.

Yet, he reminds me of Vatok too. I'm not sure whether I should welcome the reminder.

My thoughts drift back to him. What was he feeling? Did he think about me too? The knot in my stomach tightens at the thought. Maybe the key isn’t to convince him of my feelings, but to understand my own. What's he doing? On another shift?

I can't help a smile when I think about how I lifted a zebaba at his face and the little guy licked him. Maybe he was laughing at my parking skills when I was in a hurry to save the little guy.

I get off the bench. Maybe I can drive around and that may help with my mood. My spaceship isn't far away after all. It's waiting for me in the parking lot down the street.

Driving, huh?

Now that seems to remind me of Vatok's silly smile when he insisted on driving me home every day when we were closer. He had been doing his regular shifts, then being with me through my shifts, and bringing me home afterward. So much so... There were times when he fell asleep in the bar and I got to peck a kiss on his forehead without him even knowing.

Wait...

My hand stops right before I start the engine of my spaceship. Is that the reason he said we can't meet each other like before? That what he has been doing for me is a bit too much on him?

My heartbeat races at that, but what good does that bring now that we've agreed to separate?

Maybe that's something I'll never figure out.

I start the spaceship. I can use some fresh air. Getting on the road, I drift along, going through the quiet streets. As long as I stay out of the sky, things are slower and more relaxing.

As I drive through the winding streets, my thoughts swirl like the galaxies swirling above us. Each mundane turn brings fragments of memories I wish I could forget—but more than that, they tug at my heart with an intricate dance of regret and yearning. The gentle hum of the engine should be soothing, but it’s drowned out by the lingering echo of Vatok’s laughter ringing in my head.

Am I in the wrong? Or is this how it is going to be regardless?

Maybe he and I can never be together and he made the call to cut it before I could get even deeper into the mess and be hurt even more.

With every pause at a traffic light, I let my mind drift back to that day—the chaotic delight of rescuing that little zebaba both a distraction from the reality of my feelings and a catalyst to everything that unfolded. I couldn’t stop the way my heart raced when Vatok leaned closer, the way his four arms moved with such grace that the world felt suspended. The image of his amused smirk, those bronze eyes glistening with mischief, makes a warmth flush through me... Everything with him was good...

I wasn't trying, but I ended up arriving at the very spot where I clumsily parked my spaceship, which led to running into Vatok.

The street feels strangely alive as if the universe had conspired to bring me back here. The bushes at the corner sway gently, playful reminders of that mischievous day. I slide out of the spaceship, my feet grounding me against the cool pavement, a sense of nostalgia wrapping around me like a comfortable blanket.

Except, Vatok and I are never going to...

Standing there, I let the memories envelop me. I can almost hear him reprimanding me for how badly I parked the spaceship and how he scowled when the zebaba licked his face.

Maybe I should leave before I upset myself even more. There's no turning back. My relationship with him was bound to fail anyway. Not to mention there has been no relationship to start with, at least not the kind I imagined.

I turn around, but there's a shadow hovering over me. I halt but still slam into that someone. "I'm sorry!"

"Julie..."

My breath hitches as... Vatok shows up right in front of me. I force a smile. "It's you... What gives?"

He watches me with sadness in his eyes. "That's my question for you too."

He's in his uniform, so that means he's on shift.

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