Page 23 of Testing the Kot'oll Officer

He closes his eyes briefly, a soft sigh escaping his lips, and at that moment, I catch a glimpse of the turmoil swirling beneath his surface. “It’s... complicated.”

“Step by step. What’s weighing you down?”

He shakes his head. "I'm fine."

Except there's no way he's fine.

I sigh. Maybe I have to be the one talking first. "You know? Today in the bar, there were those creepers too. Not as many as before, when we are meant to be together and been showing together quite some of the time."

He flinches. "Still?" he groans, sounding more frustrated than he should. If there even is an acceptable level of annoyance, he should feel over this.

"It feels like it's never-ending, regardless. I think we've been pretty convincing."

"Some beings know no boundaries." That's what he said, but it feels like there's something behind those words.

He yawns and lies on the bed. "I have an early shift tomorrow."

"Okay..." I join him on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "Can I just tell you one thing?"

He nods. "Yes, just so you know. I care about you a lot." He squeezes my hand and I don't doubt him.

"But sometimes it feels like you’re slipping away," I murmur, the words bittersweet on my tongue. "I see things change, and I can't help but wonder if I’m losing you."

He shifts slightly, turning to face me, his brow furrowing as he processes my words. “I’m not going anywhere, Julie. I promise.” His voice is steadier now, yet the shadows linger in his eyes. “Life just has a way of piling it on, you know?”

“I do know. But I want to share that weight with you. It doesn't have to be just your burden to bear.” The sincerity in my tone hangs in the air, urging him to open up. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, searching his gaze for understanding.

He studies my eyes for a long moment as if weighing my offer against a scale only he can see. “You deserve so much more.”

"How am I supposed to know what to do if I don't know what happened? I just wanted to help you like how you're helping me."

He blinks and something seems to pass his mind. He rolls to face the other side of the bed. "It's getting late. I have to sleep. I'll be there with you on your shift too. We'll make sure the creepy ones stay away from you."

I reach for his shoulder but pull back before I touch him. "Okay... Thank you for being here with me."

He yawns. "Is that the thing you want to talk about?"

"Like... Kind of? It's mainly just beings trying their silly pick-up line on me."

He hums, the vibration from his chest making its way to me. I want to hug him, but maybe he really needs sleep. "That's because you're amazing. Everyone wants..." he yawns, "a chance with you. Don't worry, I won't stop helping you until they leave you alone." He sounds... tired. There's not a hint of enthusiasm in his tone.

My heart skips a beat. Is that a reference to how... He's only here so that we can show whoever thinks they have a chance with me that we are really dating each other and I'm not looking for a mate. So... "I... Thank you for the help."

He rolls around to face me with a smile. It's a tired and weak smile, but it is a smile regardless. He leans closer. "Is this what humans do? Or mates do?" He pecks a kiss on my forehead. "Night."

"Night."

He closes his eyes and seemingly falls asleep at once. I love watching his handsome face but at the same time... There is so much left unsaid. Something that...

I take a breath, taking in his scent, but even that's not enough to calm me.

When have I been that concerned over what others think? Vatok isn't just a random being, yet...

Am I overthinking it? He could have been just tired, like he said, with nothing else on the line, yet...

There's a knot in my stomach and that doesn't sit well at all.

Chapter 11

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