Page 94 of Over the Edge

“A place in Paris that close to the Eiffel Tower must have been nice.” I start my investigation. That’s what it is with Lana. She gives you the bread crumbs then I’m left to pull out the red string and make sense of it all.

“Yes, it was a great anniversary. I’ve dated the guy for that long, doesn’t feel real. It was just as good as the year before. We went on this Nordic Fjord cruise and fell in love with everywhere we went so we kept hopping around to all the sights in Europe. Oh my gosh, I have to show you this picture of the tulips in Holland.” As soon as the thought hits her she rummages for her phone again.

“I don’t have to see them. I’ve already gone.”

It was a shoot for Vogue for an April issue years back, for the band. A part of me is vindicated that she doesn’t seem to know this. But also, there’s the part of me that reels at hearing about her life, a full life. The one she always wanted.

“Oh. Okay.” Her face falls, and I’m hit with regret.

“Let’s sit somewhere. If you came here to talk, then let's actually talk.” We get to a bench facing the gazebo.

“You know, I thought I’d get engaged right there. I know it’s a tourist thing, but I always liked the idea of it, everyone cheering.” She chuckles to herself then perks up. “That reminds me!”

I hand over her drink, and as she reaches for it I almost lose my grip. A ring with a massive diamond on it glints as it catches the golden late afternoon sun.

“What the hell is that?” I demand. My stomach launches to my throat.

“Oh, you know, I’ve had it in my pocket this entire time, but I was waiting for the right moment,” she says casually, like she’s not holding a massive fucking engagement ring. “I saw your friends and didn’t want it to be a huge deal in front of them.”

“Congratulations.”

“After we got all the excitement out of our systems you were on the list of people to call, but I wanted to tell you in person. You said you were busy, but I knew you weren't too busy for this.”

A list I bet she got to the bottom of before remembering me.

“Where did it actually happen?” My stomach drops as I ask exactly what I know she wants me to.

“Lake Tahoe. It was the most incredibly clear day two months ago. We had just gotten back from David’s neighbor’s place. Well, maybe not neighbor, we had to take a boat to get there. But it was a good day.”

Two months. She waited two months before deciding this was a good reason to drop in.

“So, you don’t need my money anymore. Is that what this is about? You have his?” I demand.

She has everything she’s wanted. Anger and bitterness batter my insides. She did it, and what the hell have I done? What the hell am I doing? Why does she get to be happy while I’ve been living a life defined by her mistakes?

Lana’s face crumples like paper. “Ouch. God. I deserve that, don’t I?”

“Yeah,” I bite out.

“I came because I wanted to tell you to stop sending money. But not because I have his. He does well for himself. Has a construction company in Chicago. I told him I wouldn’t accept a ring until I was able to take care of myself with my own money. I’m doing all right. I’m a secretary for this travel magazine editor. That’s how I get to go on most of my trips. It’s not crazy money, but it’s enough that if I need it I can support myself.”

“You’re doing all right with everything else?”

“Got a nice therapist. He’s got these French bulldogs I just adore. We do video calls and they always pop up in the back. I know it’s a health concern, but I love those squashed little faces.

She looks to me for a reaction that I don’t give. Her eyes dipdown to her drink as the smile is wiped from her face. “I know I’ve made a lot of excuses over the years. I kept telling myself I was a kid.”

“You were,” I say.

It’s a fact I’ve reminded myself so many times. She was a kid, but right now? The last fifteen years? The person next to me is a woman, who has proven that with the right motivation, when someone else came into her life, she could put in the right effort.

“Yeah, but you were too. I let it be an excuse, even when I stopped being a kid.”

“Is that why you’re here? To see how I turned out? To make yourself feel better because I got the fame and the money and I’m fine?” I snap.

“I guess that’s a bonus, seeing you fine in spite of me. But I guess I wanted you to see I’m fine too. That we’re both okay. I mean, look at us!” she says like it's something that we actually share.

“Sounds like you’ve been okay for a while,” I say.

---