Page 46 of Over the Edge

I pick up and inspect a bouquet of delicate blue flowers. “Did she?”

“Maybe.” If he isn’t sure, I’m guessing that Avery’s date was never real. Neither of them shoulder all the blame for the tear in their relationship. But if this were a poker table, Wes would be the one to raise every damn time. “I don’t know. I was at the party.”

“And?”

“I sent her flowers.”

“Not an apology,” I tell him, remembering my own slip up with Evelyn and the timer. “You’ll be on an entire tour together. Figure out how to string a few civil words together.”

“Words aren’t exactly my thing.”

“You sing for a living, they’re your entire thing.”

“Well, I don’t have to mean those.”

“Glad we cleared that up. I have to go.” I hang up before he can protest.

At the counter, Sara wraps my flowers in an old newspaper and then secures them with twine.

For the first time, Evelyn shows up before I do. When I arrive, a woman is being swung around in the gazebo as the clock tower chimes marking a newly engaged couple.

I used to think the resentment would pass, the thoughts of thatmeans nothingandwhat are you trying to prove?I thought I would be desensitized to it the same way cat owners get with litter boxes or baristas are with steam wands. It’s still there no matter how much I wish it would go away.

There’s always one person I feel for the most. There’s a woman out there who came to this town with her partner only for him to cheat on her with Lana. It’s the reason I’ve never felt particularly motivated to hunt down my birth father. I’m all but certain that woman doesn’t know I exist but every single time I remember how I got to be here, I remember her. On some level I’m jealous of her ignorance and hope she’s happy. But mostly, I hope she left him.

Evelyn’s tender expression tells me she doesn’t think about anything other than a happy ending. I don’t begrudge her this. I just wish I was able to see those happy endings, even occasionally. After all, I’m the walking manifestation of what happens when Hartsfall doesn’t follow through on its lofty promises.

“Is there something you need?” I sit next to her in the space I presume she left for me.

She starts talking and immediately bypasses my question. “You know what this reminds me of?”

“No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me,” I say, pretending I’m annoyed instead of constantly wanting to hear every thought that crosses her mind.

“When Harry Met Sally.”

“The movie that infamously taught you how to fake an orgasm,” I say, and this earns me a twitch of her lips.

“The very one. I’m so happy that you’ve taken such an interest in my major milestones.”

“I’d like to state for the record that I learned that information against my will.”

“Well, there’s this scene where Harry and Sally’s friends are married and lying in bed and then Harry and Sally call them about different sides of the same issue. Us just now reminds me of that,” she barrels on.

“And in this hypothetical we’re a married couple.” I shut down the image before it has the chance to form in my head.

“Only in the hypothetical. I know from your publicized track record that long term commitment and emotional vulnerability aren’t your thing,” she says.

I’ve heard versions of those words hundreds of times, but this time they sour the air around me. Maybe it’s the couple still lingering at the fringes of the gazebo. Or it’s her, and I don’t want her to see me the way other people do. I don’t want to be the person who is unable to be with someone longer than a handful of nights.

There was this guy who was getting his master’s in counseling who I slept with a few times. I’m convinced he only kept seeing me because he was interested in the psychology of one-night-stands and short term relationships. After the third time wewere together he said, “I hope you find someone worth letting in one day,” and somehow it only gave me more reason to secure my walls and walk away, like the only allure came from my unattainability.

I look at Evelyn and nod. “As long as we’re on the same page.”

“Oh, absolutely. I’m not under any illusions that I will be able to change you. Every good town needs a closed-off grump, and I can’t deprive Hartsfall of theirs.”

“They do just fine without me,” I say. “As you’ve reminded me a few times, I’m the dark cloud on a sunny day.”

“I mean, dark clouds bring rain. I like rain.”

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