Page 83 of While We Waited

Mermaids on fire! How could I forget about the whole moving into his room thing? Probably because I was panicking about loving him. About getting everything I’ve ever dreamed of. About what happens to all the people I love.

My heart races in my chest and my breathing increases until I’m fighting for air. I can’t answer Hudson. I can’t speak.

I rush out of the room to the guest bedroom and bathroom. I slam the door to the bathroom behind me and lock it before sinking to the floor.

I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay.

I repeat the words over and over until my heart slows and I can finally breathe. I wipe the sweat from my forehead before standing. I grip the edge of the vanity and switch on the water. I splash cold water on my face.

What am I going to do?

Obviously, I can’t move into Hudson’s bedroom. Maybe I should move back home. Maybe I should end this relationship with Hudson before it gets serious.

I place my hand on my baby belly. Before it gets any more serious, I should say.

Before anyone gets hurt.

Mind made up, I jump in the shower for a quick wash. I don’t bother drying my hair, though. I need to pack and move home. I can’t wait. If I wait, I’ll fall deeper in love with Hudson.

I hurry into my bedroom. Where is my suitcase? Is it in the walk-in closet? Or—

“Why didn’t you come back to bed?”

“AH!” I scream at Hudson’s question. I clutch my chest. “What are you doing in here?”

He stands from the chair and prowls toward me. “Wrong question.”

My brow wrinkles. “Wrong question? How can a question I want an answer to be wrong?”

He stops in front of me and crosses his arms over his chest. Since he’s not wearing a shirt, I get to watch as his muscles bunch with the movement. I nearly lift my hand to touch him before I remember.

I need to leave.

“We agreed you’d move into my bedroom last night. But now you’re showering in the guest bathroom.”

“All my stuff is in there.”

“Why are you running scared?”

“I’m not scared.”

He palms my neck and squeezes. “It’s okay to be scared. Moving in together is a big deal.”

It’s the opening I need. “I think we should slow down. Get to know each other better before we take the next step.”

He cocks an eyebrow. “Get to know each other better? We’ve known each other our entire lives.”

I’ll play his game. “You think you know everything about me?”

“Not everything but I know the important stuff. I know you’re the best salesperson,Five Fathoms Brewingcould ever want. I know you love to swim but hate the feel of sand between your toes and salt drying on your skin from the ocean. I know you’re loyal to your friends. I know your smile lights up the room. I know you still grieve for the loss of your parents – your mom especially – but you don’t let the grief overwhelm you. I know you’re going to be the best mom our child could ever want.”

My chest warms. He does know me. It’s almost as if he loves me the way I love him.

“What I don’t know is why you’re panicking and running away from me when you should be running to me whenever you feel panicked.”

The warmth disappears as ice fills my veins at his words.

“I’m not panicking,” I deny. I am not discussing this with him. This is my secret I’ll take to my grave with me.

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