Page 94 of Tamed By You

“Alice, you can’t just quit…” I hear her yell, but I don’t stop, I am past caring. I run out the revolving glass door and out onto the busy New York street. Closing my eyes, I tilt my head back, willing myself to breathe properly. Adrenaline surges through me at lightning speed, causing a disconnect in my body. I don’t feel in control of anything right now and it's terrifying. I wave down a yellow cab, slide inside the backseat, and give the driver my address.

I take out my phone, a photo of me Gabby and Ria flashes up on the Home screen. One from years ago, before my world camecrashing down again, back when life felt easy and made sense. Before Harry. I fight every urge to call him. I’m used to being alone, handling this on my own. But he gave me a taste of what it felt like to feel safe and wanted, but I’ve got this far in life without him. I’ll have to find a way to carry on without him, even if it kills me.

Chapter Forty-Three

Harry

It’s been weeks since I’ve seen her. Everything that brought me some sort of joy means nothing now. Everything means nothing without her. Maybe I should have listened to her, maybe my ego took over, and I was convinced I could change her mind about me, give us a chance. She never promised me anything. I was just a fool who hoped she would give us a chance. Everything reminds me of her, every song on the radio makes me think of her, the scent of my body wash that she used when hers ran out in London, the tea I’ve taken to drinking as part of my morning routine, the movies I seem to be endlessly watching, even the sunrise reminds me of her.

Is this what it feels like to love someone?

I haven’t left my apartment in days, haven’t worked out, haven’t done much of anything. Nothing is the way that itwas. I spend my days torturing myself with reminders of her and wracking my brain with thoughts of why she won’t talk to me, why she’s pushing me away, and it’s a dark place to be. I mindlessly fiddle with the keychains she left between my fingers, replaying our time together in Paris and London, flitting between feelings of happiness, anger, and sadness. How could she just push me away, like all that meant nothing? There’s an emptiness inside me. I could go out, get drunk, find a girl to pass the time, to help take away this feeling, but she’s the only one who can fill this empty space.

I glance out my floor--to-ceiling window over the New York skyline, the gray, wet September afternoon matching my mood. I lift the remote and point to the big screen TV mounted on the wall, finding another movie to torture myself with. That was our thing, movie afternoons and facemasks, but I need to draw the line somewhere. I know I have truly lost it and need a shake when I start applying a facemask and crying into my popcorn.

A knock has me peeling myself off my leather couch and heading for the door. I don’t care that I’m only in my briefs; I am past caring about anything that doesn’t involve her. Expecting it to be my second DoorDash delivery of the day, I am disappointed to see Jack and Brad stood in the doorway, suited and booted, ready for a board meeting.

“Oh, so you are alive then?” Jack’s tone is clipped.

They both scan me up and down, no doubt noting my disheveled appearance, my messy hair and unkempt beard. Knowing they won’t go without questioning me, I leave the door open and turn on my heel, walking back to my couch and sinking into the spot I have been rotting in for the past four days.

“It smells like ass in here.” Brad winces scrunching up his nose. “What’s with all the trash?” I look over at my kitchen counters that are covered in endless takeout cartons and boxes of half-eaten food.

Shit, I really have let everything go.

“Right, what’s going on, Haz?” Jack asks in an accusatory tone.

“Nothing, I’m having a mental health day,” I answer, avoiding his gaze.

“This is more than a mental health day. This is a cry for help.”

“Don’t be dramatic. So, there’s a little mess, and I took a day off work. Fire me, why don’t you?” I say with a roll of my eyes.

“I’d have to agree, man. This is more than a mental health day,” Brad calls from the kitchen area. He’s already taken his jacket off, opened a trash bag and is throwing all the takeout boxes in it.

“Look, if you need some time off, that’s fine. You just say, but you haven’t shown up to the club in nearly a week. No one is managing the London club. We’ve had several calls from our contractors wondering where you are, and it's 2 pm on a Tuesday and you are in your briefs eating a bucket of fried chicken watching The Notebook,” he says pointing at the TV.

“It’s Dear John actually,” I answer back like a petulant teen.

“The movie is irrelevant,” Jack says, despair in his tone. “What is going on, Haz?”

I ignore him. Why I’m not sure. It’s not like he will get up and leave. I know he won’t go until he has answers, yet I don’t speak.

“Harry,” Jack shouts, and I continue to ignore him, my stare vacant and lost. He sits in the armchair to the side of my bookcase and lowers his voice. “Is it to do with the girl you were seeing?” My body stiffens, and he must notice as his eyes widen when he realizes he’s bang on the money.

“What happened?” he asks softly.

“Nothing, nothing happened. We fooled around. It’s done. Nothing more to say.”

“You’ve fooled around with girls and then moved on, but never have been like this. This is more, this is— “

“Don’t say it,” I bite, not wanting him to finish that sentence.

The look on his face is one of shock. “Why didn’t you tell us? I didn’t realize it was that serious. Who is she?”

I avoid his eye contact, throwing the remote back and forth between my hands.

“Do I know her?” His eyes narrow, pinning me. I glance up and then look back down at my hands. Guilt must be written all over my face. Suddenly, he leaps up off the chair and claps his hands in excitement.

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