Page 80 of Tamed By You

“I know, I know I.” His raw, husky voice sends shivers down my spine, neither of us capable of finishing our sentences. We find our releases at the same time, an earth shattering, life altering sensation hits me and I wonder if I will ever experience this ever again. I didn’t know it could be like.

He lifts his head and his eyes find mine, and we stay like that for what feels like hours. Just staring, breathing ragged, bodies fused as one. Being here with him feels like the closest thing to heaven I think I’ll ever experience. I cup his jaw, needing a second to commit the way he’s looking at me right now to my memory bank.

He makes my fall feel like I’m flying. I just hope he never lets me hit the ground.

I don’t know what happens past tonight, when I return to New York and he stays here, how things will be between us. So, if we only have tonight, I want to make it a memory I can use on the days when I feel like can’t breathe, when it all gets too much, and I feel like I can’t make it through another day. When I’m falling in the pits of darkness, I’ll remember the way he’s looking at me right now. I’ll cling to the memory that in this moment, I felt like the only thing that mattered to him. I didn’t feel dirty or tainted or broken.

For one night, I felt whole. I felt free.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Harry

The morning sun hits my eyes as I slowly open them. Memories of last night flood my mind as I stretch and roll to my side to reach for her. Last night was everything it changed everything. Seeing all of her, having her open up enough and trust me meant everything. I sense she doesn’t trust easily and there are still so many unanswered questions. Why she hid parts of herself, the meaning behind her tattoo. But I don’t want to push her. After last night I have faith, she’ll open up when she’s ready. I just need to continue to show her I’m worth opening up to. I don’t want to scare her, but I need her to know this isn’t over. I want more; I need more. I am willing to do whatever it takes to be with her, fly back to New York with her if I have to. Jack and Brad will understand. I just can’t let her go. Smoothing my hand over the cotton sheets, my stomach sinks when it feelscold. My eyes spring open, and I blink rabidly as the bright summer morning streams through the floor length windows.

I glance round the room, but there’s no sign of her. I sit up calling her.

“Ali, you in the bathroom?” I call, but I’m met with silence. Panic floods my body, my heart thumping rapidly. Something feels wrong, but she wouldn’t just leave, not after last night, not after the way we connected. I fling back the covers and stand, heading for the walk-in closet, my stomach sinking further when I see her suitcase is gone.

“Fuck,” I shout, pushing my hands through my messy hair and tugging at the roots in frustration,

She left.

I stride out of the closet in search of my phone on the nightstand and as I reach for it, a white card. My breathing is unsteady with a mixture of anxiety and rage as I pick up the piece of paper and unfolding it so fast, I almost tear it.

Dear Harry,

Thank you for the most incredible ten days. I’ve never been good at goodbyes, so this felt like the right way to go. Our time together was everything. We’ll always have London and Paris.

I’ll see you when I see you.

Love

A x

Goodbye?She just left, just fucking left without talking about last night. An unfamiliar pain hits me right in the chest. An ache so deep I crumple the paper in my hand to distract me from it. Tossing the ball of paper at the window, I fall to bed and throw my forearm over my eyes.

“Fuuuucckkkk,” I roar, the sound echoing around my room. I sit up, leaning forward, my hands braced on my thighs as I takein deep breaths, in and out, trying to shake this ache in my chest. The ache that’s now becoming a sharp pain. I’ve felt pain and loss, too much of it in my life, but nothing like this. This pain is like no other. My arms physically ache to hold her, my chest so tight and painful it feels impossible to take a full breath. I take my phone, looking at the time, and realize she will be in the sky now.

I type a hurried text, regretting all of it the minute I hit send, but hurt and anger take over.

Harry

You really just left without saying goodbye, like our time meant nothing? How could you?

Throwing my phone across the room, it hits the wall and tumbles to the floor, not caring if it shatters into tiny pieces like my heart right now. I join it, slumping to the ground, my back against the bed frame, leaning my head back and staring up at the ceiling. I wanted to tell her how I really feel about her.

Of all the things she’s ever said and done, this by far hurts more than all of them. It wasn’t supposed to happen, not part of the plan, but I’ve fallen for her. Unknowingly handing her my heart and she’s just left, taking it with her without a second thought. Crushing it as she walked out, as walked away from me, most likely for good.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Ali

Wheeling my suitcase into my apartment, the usual feelings of being home don’t hit me. It feels empty, quiet, lonely and hollow, like the feeling that resides in the pit of my stomach and it’s been there since I left London, since I left him.

I hated how I left; the note was a coward’s way out. But I knew if I had to say goodbye, I would never leave. That he would find a way to make me stay. Last night scared me, it’s hit me how far I’ve fallen, how far he’s worked his way in to my heart. I need time and space to really think. He is everything I have never allowed myself to want or need. I’ve never needed anyone and somehow, he’s made me not only want him, but need him. So, I did what feels familiar, what feels safe. I ran, put my walls up, and focused on myself.

I couldn't sleep on the plane. I kept playing all the moments from London and Paris, the sight-seeing, the afternoon tea, dancing like no one was watching and finally opening up to him and letting him see all of me. I told myself this was just a casual thing, but I should have known the minute I agreed to the trip that it would never end with us still being casual. I should have foreseen that I would leave as one person and come back home as another. I fill up the kettle and place it on the stove, taking out my favorite mug and teabags. I wore Harry's sweater on the flight home and every so often I pull the collar up to my nose, his spicy scent still lingering. I reach for the necklace he gave me and fiddle with the heart pendant, knowing I should take it off now I’m home, but I can't bring myself to do it. I miss him. The guilt of how I left still eating me up I think about texting him, to say sorry.

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