Page 105 of Tamed By You

I nod in agreement, his words sinking in and making so much sense.

“What you need to do is just be there for her, show up for her, give her space. But as long as she knows you are there when she’s ready, I have faith she will come back to you just needs time.”

“I thought I’d lost her,” I choke out, my limbs trembling as images of her lying lifeless in my arms flash in my mind.

“You won’t lose her,” Brad says confidently. “I know she feels the same way about you as you do for her. I see it, I feel it. She just needs to work through some shit.”

I nod, feeling tears welling again. “I miss her. This, fuck, this hurts so fucking much.”

“Love does, my man,” Jack says, bumping my shoulder with his and I give a weak smile. “Just give her some time. She’ll come back to you.”

“I think we could do with a round of whiskeys,” Brad announces, getting up and walking over to his cabinet where he keeps his liquor.

“It’s barely 10 am,” Jack says, looking at his watch.

“It’s five o’clock somewhere,” Brad declares, pulling a crystal decanter out of the cabinet. He pours the amber liquid into three tumblers and passes them to us one by one. He joins us back on the floor and we clink our glasses together and throw back the whiskey. I welcome the burn of the warm liquid as it trickles down the back of my throat. I close my eyes and exhale. My breathing finally reaches a steady pace and I feel the adrenaline slowly leaving my body.

It hurts knowing she’s hurting; I know she needs space. But I also need her to know I’m not going anywhere, that this doesn’t change a thing and I will spend my days proving that to her. Even if it takes forever, I’m not giving up on us. I’m not walking away from her, because she is it for me. She’s, my endgame.

Chapter Forty-Nine

Ali

Secrets. They always find their way to the surface. I was a fool to think I could keep this from everyone. That I would go through life without this catching up with me. For a good few years, I lived carefree. I knew they couldn’t hurt me anymore; Peter was behind bars and my mother had washed her hands of me. I lived life hard and fast, took it by the reins, and took control. I decided who was in my life and how much of me I was willing to let them see.

When you’ve had something taken from you, it leaves you feeling out of control, so I’ve spent the last fifteen years taking that control back. There was a limit to how far I would go, what I would show. But then I met Harry, and he tore right through that protective sheet I had cloaked myself in. He says he will stay, that he won’t give up on me but aside from the two womenthat are sitting here on the floor either side of me, no one has ever given me a reason to believe that they will follow through with their promises.

Ria arrived and sat with me and Gabby on the floor of our apartment and they listened without judgment. They let my voice be heard. Something I’ve never had till them. I told them everything. How me and Harry began, the letter, the drugs, the court date. The heaviness in my chest lightened with every confession that spilled from me.

“Why didn’t you tell us? You didn’t need to go through this alone. I thought you were jet lagged, sick I…” Gabby sniffs.

“Hey, this isn’t on you, either of you. You know me. I’m good at hiding shit."

“I’m sorry,” Gabby says wiping her eyes.

“I didn’t want to drag you both down with me. Ria, you’ve got the baby on the way, and Gabby, you have Patrick. I really thought I could handle this. It’s been so long. I’ve done so much healing, I thought I could shrug it off, but it became bigger than me and took hold of me and by the time I realized I was spinning out of control, I didn’t know how to say it.

“I get it,” Ria says reassuringly. “You know we are here for you right, no matter what we have going on in our lives, whatever you decide to do, you know that we will be right by your side if you decide to go to the parole hearing and tell your story,” Ria says softly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

Sniffing and wiping my nose with the back of my sleeve, I say, “I know.”

“And Harry. Just take it one day at a time. He’s a good guy. He will understand if you need some space right now, but also, don’t be afraid to let him in if you want to,” she continues, now stroking my hair in that affectionate motherly way she does with her girls, and I instinctively rest my head on her shoulder.

I arrived at Teenhood first—a support group and group home for girls who were victims of some type of sexual exploitation or abuse. I was there for a year before Ria joined. She stayed for about six months and then continued to come to the therapy once she went back home to her mom. I couldn’t explain what it was that made me feel drawn to her. It was like she was meant to walk into my life when she did.

We became the sisters we never had. We share an unfortunate understanding of what it was like to have things taken from you, to have someone violate and disrespect you. We became each other’s lifelines. Then, a couple of years later, Gabby joined us, and we took her under our wing. She looked so lost and fragile, but she’s not, she is brave and fierce, just like Ria… like I hope I can be again.

“But what if he doesn’t want to be with me now?” I whisper. “Once he knows everything, he will walk away. I know it. I knew I shouldn’t have got close to him. Ughhh, I’m so stupid.” I begin to sob. Closing my eyes, that ache returns to my chest.

“Hey, hey, you are not stupid,” Gabby says sternly, gripping my hand and linking her fingers with mine. “This is a lot to process for both of you, but I think he’ll prove you wrong. I have no doubt that this won’t change a thing. Just take it one day at a time, and on the days when you feel like you can’t hold yourself up, we’ll be here to carry you… okay?” Her words shake as she fights back tears.

I sit up, and both Ria and Gabby lean their heads against mine. Ria weaves her fingers into my free hand and here we sit, the three of us linked together, bonded by trauma but held together with love.

“I think we need a sleepover over like the old days,” Ria says, smiling against my cheek.

“Yesss, and cheesecake,” Gabby chimes in.

“Ri, you don’t need to stay. I’m going to be okay. You have that little bump and the girls to look after.”

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