Page 102 of Tamed By You

Chapter Forty-Seven

Ali

Something warm hits my face. Opening my eyes slightly, I am met with the stream of morning sun shining through the window. The sound of New York’s morning traffic filters through the room and I lay unmoving. The memory of telling him, screaming my most hidden secret at him hits me like a bat to the head and I close my eyes and wince in pain. Everything hurts, aches, and yet I feel numb all at the same time.

He saved me last night, and all I did was push him away. But that’s what I wanted, what I needed. It’s hard to accept that people won’t walk away when that’s all anyone has ever done. Gabby and Ria are the exception because they know how I feel, how it feels to be let down, used, abandoned. There has always been a quiet understanding between us. We’ve never had to tell each other about our stories in full. We just knew andhave always known what the other needed. I have never needed anyone else other than those two. Until him.

But after last night, I know I have ruined us forever. There is no coming back from that, and as painful as that is, I have to find a way to accept it and move on. I drag myself up to a sitting position. My body feels like lead, battered and bruised, much like it did the morning after it happened. Running my hands over my face and through my unruly hair, I let out a deep sigh. Gabby will be home soon if she isn’t already, and I need to hide any evidence of what happened here last night. I don’t want her or Ria to find out what I did. I lean up and hold on to the door handle, pulling myself to stand on shaky legs.

My head spins and know I need to eat and drink something before I faint. I slowly turn the doorknob, opening the door, careful not to let it creak and disturb Gabby in case she’s home. I need to gather myself together before I see her.

I go to walk out of the room, but my foot taps something firm. As my eyes drift down, my stomach sinks and my heart feels like it shatters into tiny fragments. But it’s not due to pain this time. No, this is a foreign feeling, and I don’t know how to describe it. Tears prick at my eyes, and I sink onto my knees, covering my mouth with my hand as I let it sink in.

He stayed.

He slept on the floor in front of my door. He did exactly what he said he would do. He stayed; he didn’t walk away.

I want to touch him, hold him, let him hold me, but I am too frightened. My heart hammering with nerves, I whisper, “Harry, hey wake up.”

A low groan comes from him as he stretches his large frame out and rubs his eyes. Looking up at me, his face softens, and gives me a small smile. “Hey,” he says, his voice low and husky.

“You, uh, didn’t need to stay,” I say as I anxiously tug at the sleeves of my sweater.

He sits up, running a hand through his hair. He’s wearing a pair of sweatpants he left here and no shirt, and I wonder why and then I remember. He held me in the shower as I threw up the contents of my stomach. Suddenly, I feel panicked again, ashamed of my behavior and the defensive side of me grows. It’s the only way I survived my childhood, and I don’t know how to be any different.

“I told you; I am not going anywhere. But I think we should talk,” he says.

I step back into my room. “No, we don’t need to talk about anything.” I walk towards my bed, noticing his shirt and trousers hanging on the end and I reach for them.

“Ali, we need to talk. We can get you some help, or—”

Anger bubbles inside of me. “Help? Help?” I yell. “Listen here. I don’t need your help. I don’t need your sympathy and I don’t need your opinions. I just need you to leave.”

He jolts like I have physically wounded him, and I instantly regret it. Why, why can’t I let him in? Why can’t I believe what he is saying?

Because people always leave you, Ali. Always let you down.

“Ali, last night, you can’t do that and then not expect me to want to help you.”

“Last night was an accident. I took too many sleeping pills mixed with alcohol. It’s no big deal.”

“No big deal?” His voice is thick with emotion. “I found you lifeless Ali. If I had found you a few minutes later, you may not be here, arguing with me right now.”

My lip trembles, the idea too terrifying to comprehend. I don’t want to die. I have wanted to in the past, but last night I just needed it to be quiet. Guilt and pain that he had to see me like that flood my body. He deserves so much better, and this is why I need to push him away. He shouldn't have to deal with my issues.

“Does it have something to do with this?” He takes a step towards my nightstand and lifts a folded piece of paper, and my eyes widen.

“Is this who hurt you? Is this the sick fu…” He stops and takes a deep breath. “Is this why you are pushing me away?”

“You had no right to read that,” I say with a shaky breath.

“It was next to you with the empty bottle of pills, Ali. Is this him, This Peter guy? And is he connected to this Iris person you scream for in your sleep?”

I freeze, unmoving as his words echo around me. “Don’t say that name,” I choke out, my throat suddenly burning and closing in on me.

“Ali, you have to talk to me. Who are these people? Why do you have to go to court, has this got to do with what happened with Cassidy and Brad?” He’s pacing the room, question after question falling from his lips and I know it’s because he wants answers, but they are all answers I can’t give him. I have spent so long burying it all. I don’t want to unearth them.

“It’s none of your business,” I say sternly.

---