Page 98 of Tamed By You

I take her face in my hands once again, forcing her to look at me as I utter my next words. “You might be falling and feeling lost, but I’m drowning without you, Ali. I can’t think, I can’t sleep, I can’t function, and I don't understand this either. Just letme help you, we can fix this.” My voice sounds far shakier than I intended.

“I can’t. It’s too big a burden for you to bear. I care about you too much to pull you down with me. If you feel anything for me, you’ll let me go,” she whispers, pressing her forehead to my chest.

“I can’t. I’m so far gone for you. I’m in that black hole with you. If you won’t let me catch you, then I’ll fall with you,” I tell her burying my face in her hair, inhaling her intoxicating scent. I’m close to getting on my knees for this girl and begging her to be mine again.

‘You can’t. Please, please just let me go,” she sobs into my chest. My arms wrap around her body, and I hold her tightly.

“I can’t do that.”

I lift her head to mine and press my lips to hers, needing the connection. She doesn’t pull away. Instead, she kisses me back with all the want and desire I am putting into this kiss. But even though she’s in my arms, it still hurts. It physically aches to hold her because even though I’m kissing her, she doesn’t feel like she’s mine. She doesn’t feel like my Ali. There’s something that’s wedged its way between us, and I don’t understand why.

She breaks the kiss, pulling away, stepping back, and looking at me, her tear-stained face lit by the streetlamp. “You have to. It’s not your choice to make.”

“How I feel about you isn’t your decision, Ali,” I shout far louder than I intend, anger, or fear, I don’t know, taking over.

“No, it isn’t, but how I allow you to pursue your feelings is. I have had too many people take away my voice, my choices, my power. I’ll be damned if I let anyone ever again,” she spits, not sounding like her at all.

My stomach drops, a pain hitting me square in the chest at her words, hurt that she feels this way. I lower my voice, conscious ofcoming on too strong. “Ali, I would never take away your voice or your choices.”

She swipes a lone tear that falls down her cheek with her fingertips. “I know you wouldn’t,” she cries, “and that might be even more terrifying. Because I don’t how to let you in, I’ve spent so long pushing people away. It’s all I know. I don’t want to be a burden or for you to see how weak I really am.”

“I want to be there for you, Ali. You’ve got to let me in, tell me what’s happened. There is so much strength and power in handing over the most vulnerable parts of yourself to someone. That doesn’t make you weak or a burden, baby, that makes you powerful and strong.”

She shakes her head. “I can’t.”

“Why, tell me why,” I beg her, desperation in my voice.

Tears now stream down her face, and I step closer to hug her, but she puts her hands up in defense. “Please… don’t.”

I step back, giving her the space she clearly craves. “This can’t be how we end, Ali.” I choke out. Not wanting to believe this is where we end.

“I’m sorry,” she says quietly, walking past me and going back inside the club.

I wait for the door to close and yell, “Fuck.” My voice echoing down the damp alleyway.

How the hell did we get here?

I head inside, finding the group and making small talk with Mason and Jack, but I’m not digesting what they say. My eyes roam the club.

Where is she?

I assumed she had gone to use the bathroom, but it’s been a good thirty minutes since she came back inside.

I excuse myself from the conversation and walk over to Gabby, who’s sitting with Harley, and to my surprise, the guy she’s been dating. He seems nice enough, but I’ve only met him the once so it’s hard to judge off only one encounter. Dirty blond hair, dressed like he summers in the Hamptons, and has a typical trust fund kid vibe about him. He’s not really someone I’d hang out with. He has a protective arm wrapped around her waist and I don’t miss the way Brad is sizing him up from the corner of his eye.

“Gabs, where’s Ali?” I ask, trying not to sound too concerned. I give Patrick a friendly nod and he mirrors my actions.

“Oh, she took a cab home. She’s been in bed with the flu all week. I think she’s still recovering and tired. Just needed an early night.”

“Yeah, she didn’t look herself,” Harley chimes in.

The flu?

“When did she leave?” My words are a little rushed as my throat constricts.

“Erm, not long ago, I offered to go, but she said she was just going home to get some sleep.”

I give her a brief smile. “Thanks, Gabs.”

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