Page 87 of Tamed By You

My tears begin to fall, and I wipe them away, black smudges from my mascara coating my fingertips. “I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. I’ve ruined everything. It’s all my fault,” I sob, my body heaving, the tears I haven’t let fall for days burst like a dam breaking its banks.

His strong arm wraps around me. Exhaling he calmly says, “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

He pulls me into his chest, and I collapse into him, gripping his shirt in my fist as I let myself cry. I let myself think about the letter, my past, Cassidy and Harry. I let it all tumble out of me, not caring that Brad is bearing witness to it all.

I feel safe with him, not the way I do with Harry, but it will do for right now. My words come out on a croak “I just needed the noise to stop. I needed it to stop.”

“Ssshhh, I know, I know, it's okay, it’s okay,” his deep voice rasps.

“I need him, Brad. I need him so fucking much. He’s the only one who made it better, but I’ll ruin him, like everything else I touch. I need to stay away from him, but it’s killing me.”

I don't remember how I got home, what Brad said after I confessed that I needed Harry, if he did say anything. I wake in my bed, my silver dress still on. Stretching and swinging my legs that feel like lead, I plant my feet on the floor, and I go in search of water to quench my dry mouth. I’m not sure what the time is but a yellow light floods my apartment, so I know it’s sometime in the morning. I find Brad sleeping on my couch, still dressed in his clothes from last night too. I place a fluffy blanket over him, grateful that he took care of me, even when I didn't deserve it. I’m just grateful Gabby was out visiting her parents' last night and wasn’t home to see all this. I don’t want to burden her with this. It’s bad enough I’ve dragged Brad into it.

I head for my bathroom, turn on the shower, and sit underneath the running water my dress from last night still on. Pushing my hands through my tangled hair, washing away the memories of last night. I drag a hand down my chest, needing to scrape away any trace of last night. My finger hooks on my necklace. I’ve tried to take it off so many times but haven’t been able to. I couldn’t bear to. It’s the only piece of him I have. I hold it in between my fingers, rubbing the little heart over andover again with the pad of my thumb. That horrible ache in my heart returns, but I feel too numb to cry. So, I just sit there, staring blankly at the wall, replaying last night over and over in my head, adding it to my lists of regrets and things I wish I could erase from my memory.

After my shower, I throw on some pink sweatpants and a white t-shirt, brush my wet hair, leaving it to air dry, and head out to my living space, knowing I need to speak to Brad.

He’s sat up on my couch, hunched over, scrolling through his phone. I chew on the inside of my cheek, too nervous to speak first. He must sense my presence because he looks up, looking at me for a beat before giving me a small sympathetic smile, showing kindness I don't deserve.

“Morning. How are you feeling?”

“Better than I think I deserve to be honest.”

He nods. “Brooke called from the hospital when you were in the shower. Cassidy is okay. They are keeping her in for observation, but she’s going to be okay.”

“Oh, thank god.” I sag with relief.

“Are you going to tell me what she took… what you took?” I nervously chew the inside of my cheek and shake my head.

“Not before my caffeine fix. Can I get you some tea or coffee?”

“Coffee, please. Black.”

I nod and head for my kitchen area. My hands tremble as I reach for the mugs, the beginnings of a panic attack brewing.

Deep breaths in and out, in and out.

I finish making our drinks and walk towards the couch, passing Brad his coffee before I settle on the opposite end to him, cradling my mug of tea in my hands, the heat from the ceramic providing a small sense of comfort.

“Thank you for bringing me home and staying. You didn’t need to do that.”

“You’re welcome, and I did need to do that. I didn’t want to leave you alone after what happened. I expected Gabby to be here. Is she out with that prick, Patrick?”

“Not a Patrick fan huh?” I tease I ask noting the way his nostrils flare at the mention of his name.

Hmmm, interesting.

“She could do better,” he grumbles, taking a sip of his coffee.

“No, she’s visiting her parents. She’ll be back later.”

He rolls his eyes, an unimpressed look etched over his tanned face.

His jaw ticks and he mumbles something I can’t quite make out. An awkward silence falls between us, and it only adds to my anxiety. I clear my throat and muster all my strength to speak. “Brad, about last night…I—”

“What the hell happened, Ali? You weren’t you last night, drugs, the thing in my office, what's going on?”

I close my eyes, feeling tears burn behind my eyelids. I blink rapidly, looking at the ceiling, and let out a long breath. “I don't even know where to begin.”

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