Page 26 of Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang Us, Daddy

He shakes his head. “Nothing. I was thinking of something when I was in the bathroom. Something I want to do when I get home, but I don’t know if you’re going to be up for it.”

“Try me.”

His cheeks flush, and it’s like he’s refusing to even look me in the eyes. “Can I look at you? While you’re naked.”

When I swallow, it feels like sandpaper scraping my throat. “You want to?”

He nods. “I know it’s probably weird, but last night, I realized I’ve never really looked at you.” He chuckles softly to himself. “Isn’t that strange? I’ve seen you naked every day since we were teenagers, and I’ve never taken the time to really see you.” He bites his bottom lip as he meets my eyes. “I wanna see you, Bennet. I wanna see you a lot.”

My heart is hammering in my chest. How have I never seen him this way? How could I have ever been so blind? This is Benji. My other half. We’ve wasted so much time.

“Can I look at you too?”

His eyes widen and there’s the slightest hint of tear in the corners. “You will?”

“Yeah,” I breathe. “Yeah, Benji.”

“Bennet.” God. It’s such a small, insignificant name for a small, insignificant man. So, how does he make it sound like a hymn? Why does the sound of my name coming from his mouth feel like a spiritual awakening? “I love you.”

I sniffle, whether from my cold or my emotions, I’m not totally sure. “I love you, too. Come home. I’ll take care of you. Promise.”

CHAPTER 7

BENJI

My insides feel like fireflies. They’re buzzing around, lighting me up, from the inside out. For the duration of the twenty-minute car ride home, I’ve been trying to slow my racing heart, but I can’t seem to get it to stop. Now, we’re here, and I can’t make my legs move. It’s like my body’s working against me.

Bennet Anderson is on the other side of our front door, and try as I might, I can’t move a muscle.

He said I can look at him. He wants to look at me too. What world even is this, anymore? Ever since last night, I’ve been in this foggy headspace. It’s like all the times I’ve nodded off on the couch, and I could still hear the world going on around me, but I couldn’t move. I try to repeat the actions that can usually break the spell of sleep paralysis. The twitch of a finger is all it normally takes. Once I can get one moving, everything else normally falls in line. Not this time. Not when Bennet’s entire penis is waiting for me.

On the ride home, I forced Meadows to stop at Panera Bread so I could pick up some soup for Bennet and Dad. The second we pull into the driveway, the front door opens and Dad jogstoward Meadows’ Dodge pickup truck. God. He looks exhausted. His skin is pasty, and sweat is pouring down his face.

My door opens, and Dad’s at my side, stroking my face, kissing my cheek, telling me it’s okay, because I’m home, right where I belong. He says I don’t have to go back to work if I don’t want to, because he can’t stand the thought of me being sad like this. But I’m not sad, I’m terrified. I don’t know where he finds the strength to pick me up, but that’s exactly what he does. I wrap myself around him like a second skin, burying my face in the crook of his neck.

Bennet.

I need my Bennet.

I don’t even know if Dad said goodbye to Meadows. I must’ve tuned them out. Somehow, by chance or miracle, we’re outside my bedroom door, and I don’t remember a single step of the journey. The door opens, and when I look into our room, I see him. My Bennet. My whole wide world.

Muscle memory kicks in as I unhook my legs from Nate’s waist, flailing them until he sets me down. The second I’m on solid ground, I sprint for the bed, wanting to dive in and envelop myself in Bennet Anderson. But my Bennet is sleeping. So calm and peaceful. Bennet sounded so sick on the phone earlier, and I know he needs his rest, so instead of waking him, I kiss his sweaty forehead and head back downstairs.

Dad’s in the kitchen, holding the bag that’s housing their soup. I don’t even remember him grabbing it from the truck. He’s singing an old song that he plays a lot. Lisa Earlobe, I think he said her name was. As he’s singing about a lover in love while the other lover runs away, he’s popping the container in the microwave.

I wrap my arms around him from behind. “How are you feeling?”

He smiles over his shoulder at me, closing the microwave door and holding his hand over mine on his stomach. “Better now that you’re home.” He sets the microwave for a minute and a half and turns, cupping my cheek. “I’m so happy you’re home, buddy.”

“Yeah?” I whisper, my cheeks warming.

“Yeah. It’s not the same without you. It’s not the same without either of you.” He wraps me up in a hug and kisses my forehead. “I sure do love you, little man.”

“Love you too.” Once the soup is warm enough, I fix Bennet a bowl and carry it upstairs. He’s still in the same spot from earlier, so I set the soup on our bedside table and take a seat beside him. I leave a trail of kisses across his forehead, tightening the grip I have around his back and pulling him right against me. His eyelids flutter open, and when he sees it’s me, his blue eyes almost seem to sparkle.

“Benji,” he says in a voice that rips the breath out of my body. His finger touches my chin, and he gently ghosts his fingers along the length of my jaw before cupping my cheek. “Missed you.”

I lean in and give him a quick kiss on the lips. “Missed you too. Are you feeling any better?”

---