Page 18 of Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang Us, Daddy

“And I’ve got thirty-five ways to get the point across if you keep swearing in front of them. Not on my watch, you won’t.”

Benji’s looking super nervous, so I ask my friend, “Are you sure, Benj?” I don’t like this idea. I really, really don’t like it.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on him,” Meadows says to me, smiling warmly.

“And you’ll watch your mouth,” Nate insists, folding his arms across his chest. “If he comes home swearing up a storm, I’ll have your hide. And if he gets scared, you’ll drop everything and drive him home.”

Meadows chuckles. “I fucking promise.”

Nate’s eyes look like they’re going to fly out of their sockets. He’s got one hand fisted at his side, and he bravely drives a finger into Meadows’ chest. “You and I are going to have a chat about manners,” Nate says. “I’m a little under the weather, so if I vomit on you, I apologize.” As they wage a stupid war of words, I turn my attention back to Benji, who’s staring off into space, lost in his head.

“Benji?”

He startles, and when he looks over at me, he looks worried. “You’re not going to do anything without me, are you?” He darts his eyes at Nate. “With Dad. You’re not going to”—he darts his eyes down to our interwoven fingers—“without me?”

Is that what he’s worried about? Feeling left out of a sexual journey? First of all, I feel like death warmed over, so I probably couldn’t rise to the occasion even if I wanted to. But more importantly, I wouldn’t want to. Those last few months—when Nito forced Benji to watch him and me, or when he’d force me to watch them without me—felt like someone was stealing my entire world out from under me. I never want to be intimate without Benji again. I don’t want to touch another man unless he’s touching them, too. There are maybe a handful of things I’m willing to do without my best friend present, and none of them involve intimacy with another party. Fuck. It’s not even a jealousy thing for me; I can’t physically cope with being away from him at all. I can barely breathe without Benji.

“Baby, look at me.” I wait for him to meet my gaze, and when he does, his beautiful blue eyes are damp. “All or nothing. That’s me and you, isn’t it? Beginning to end.”

He nods, but he doesn’t seem terribly convinced. “Promise?”

“Always,” I promise. His eyes are everywhere except where they belong: on me. He’s working himself up to something, I just don’t know what. “What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing’s wrong. It’s just . . . Would it—I mean, do you think it would be okay, if . . .” He closes his eyes and sighs, so I squeeze his hand as a reminder that I’m here. “Can I kiss you, Bennet?”

It’s a silly request, because we kiss all the time. He’s never once asked permission, nor has he needed to. My face is his to kiss at his leisure. There’s nothing I love more than feeling his lips feathering across my cheek or trailing across my forehead.

“If you’re willing to risk catching whatever I have,” I offer with a shrug.

His lip curls up, just a hair. “You’ll nurse me back to health.”

He’s right, of course. I’ll always take care of him, just like he always takes care of me. Sluggishly, I lift my hand up and down my face like a showcase model onThe Price is Right. “It’s yours for the taking, then.”

With wide eyes and trembling hands, he leans forward. I close my eyes, expecting to feel his mouth against the side of my face or my scalp. Instead, Benji’s soft lips press flush against mine, taking me by surprise. As my breath hitches in my chest, Benji’s lips part, and I find myself falling into him, deepening the kiss. He tickles my bottom lip with his tongue like he’s trying to get a reaction, but all I can do is sit here and try to understand what’s happening. Aside from last night, we’ve never kissed like this. He’s essentially my brother.No. More than that, Benji is like the other half of my heart. We’re twin souls, wrapped in unrelated bodies. This kiss may be wrong, but I don’t know if I’veever felt anything truer in all my life. The rest of the world fades away until it’s just him and me, the way it’s always been. All or nothing. Beginning to end.

“I love you,” he mumbles against my lips. When he pulls away, he’s still teary-eyed, and he brings his hand to my cheek, caressing me gently. “Please get better. I hate seeing you like this.”

Wanting to assure him, I do the only thing I can think of. I lean closer, and I return the kiss he’s just given me. It’s not a long kiss, and it’s not particularly passionate. But it’s simple and true.

“If I’m asleep, wake me up when you get home,” I say, watching as his tongue travels across his lips, chasing my flavor.

“I’m scared,” he admits, and I know he is. He has to be. I’m fucking terrified, and I’ve got Nate to keep me company. Benji won’t have anyone. I can’t let that happen. I can’t just leave him alone. “Of being without you.”

“Do you want to FaceTime me? I’ll keep my phone on the whole time, I promise.”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“I’d do just about anything for you.” When Nate turns around and makes his way toward us, I know we don’t have much longer, so I pull him in for a hug, clinging to him with all the strength I’ve got. “I love you, too, Benji.”

With a heart weighed down by grief and guilt, I leave Benji behind to face the rest of the workday on his own.

CHAPTER 6

BENNET

When we pull into the driveway, Nate motions for me to stay put. I feel too shitty to argue, so I just sit here, watching as he rushes around his truck and opens my door. Benji’s still on the phone, but he’s staring down at his coloring book, fast at work. For reasons I’ll never understand, Nate has a jacked-up pickup truck that’s at least three feet off the ground, and each time we get to ride in it, he has to help us down. Expecting more of the same, I hold my arms out, readying myself for his tug, then to be placed on the ground. Instead, he holds me against his chest and balances me by placing an arm under my ass. Fuck. His hand is literally cupping the cheek. It’s right fucking there. Aside from Benji, it’s been months since anyone’s paid attention to my backside. Nate probably doesn’t mean it to be an erotic moment between us, but that’s exactly how it feels. Like pin pricks and stardust and the inklings of an erection. Even an unrequested erection isn’t enough to lift my spirits. I pull back, feeling absolutely miserable. He’s got the same pained expression on his face, and I hate to see him like this.

“It’s okay. I can walk,” I say, but it comes out as a whisper.

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