Page 13 of Blast from the Past

Fuck my life!

I just need some privacy to pull myself together before facing the world. His reaction to what I went through hurt more than I want to admit. The last guy I dated wouldn’t even fuck me after he saw my scars. That’s why I had them covered with ink. I just didn’t expect him to feel the same. They all look at me like I am broken, less of a woman, after they know the truth. And he doesn’t even know everything.

Instead of saying anything, I make us both a cup of coffee before taking a seat across from him.

“You remembered.” He smiles before sipping his coffee.

I don’t say anything. How do I explain that I haven’t forgotten a single thing about him?

“Say your peace, Shane,” I say over the rim of my cup. “If I don’t need to work today, I’m going back to bed.”

“I really am sorry for the way I acted,” he says, his voicefilled with regret. “I was angry and I took that out on you.”

“I’m used to it.”

His eyes flash with anger but he keeps himself in check. “I want to explain why I reacted that way. I need you to listen to everything I say.”

I watch him carefully, not sure what exactly he could have to say. But I do know that whatever he has to say is going to change both of us forever. I can feel it in the air—his nerves.

“When we were around sixteen, I fell in love with you.” I gasp loudly but he only smiles while shaking his head. “I did everything I could think of to not feel that way about you. I tried to treat you like a little sister, I tried to avoid you. Hell, I was even an asshole, although I knew I was probably hurting you. I just wanted us to be us again, you know?”

He waits for me to say something, anything, but I don’t have any words. My throat is dry, and I feel like I am stuck in some kind of dream.

He smiles before continuing. “Kalum didn’t break your prom date’s nose. I did. And I am also the reason Tommy walks on the other side of the street anytime he sees you.” He grins like a little boy. “This morning scared the shit out of me. Knowing you could have died, that I could have lost you before I ever had the opportunity to tell you how I felt. How I feel.”

“Shane—” I start but he cuts me off.

“Let me finish,” he says with a nervous smile. “I wish you had come to me. Hell, to any one of us. I wish I had been there for you, supporting you. But neither of us can change the past, all we can do is move forward. I love you, Mercy, I always have, and I’m hoping you will give me the chance to prove it.”

It’s only after he stops speaking that I realize I am crying. This is every little girl’s dream come true. To have the first boy you loved, the one you still secretly love, tell you he wants to be with you. It feels unreal.

“You really are an idiot,” I say through my tears, and he doesn’t argue.

He moves quickly around the table and lifts me from the chair before sitting down with me cradled in his lap. He holds me tightly against his chest as he rubs a soothing hand up and down my back.

“Shit,” he murmurs against my hair. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. If you don’t feel the same way, I understand—” I don’t let him finish his sentence.

I silence him with my lips against his. It only takes him a moment to work past the shock before he is kissing me back. His large, scarred hands tangle in my hair, angling my head the way he wants it. The kiss isn’t hurried but rather an exploration of each other, lips and tongues savoring the moment.

He kisses me senseless, breathless, dizzy, before pulling away. “I’m not sure, but I am going to take that as a positive reaction,” he says and smiles.

I shake my head with a smile. “Yes, you idiot. How could you ever think I didn’t feel the same way?”

“I’m an idiot?” he replies with a shrug and a boyish grin.

And I laugh freely before kissing him again. After long moments, he pulls away.

“There’s something else.” Once more, I can tell he’s nervous. “I want to be the one to tell you because I know you’ll never forgive me if you hear it from someone else.”

“Okay,” I reply, my nerves showing as well.

“There’s a girl. And she’s pregnant.”

I don’t know what to say. His words hurt my heart because she can give him the one thing I’ll never be able to.

“She doesn’t want the baby. She already signed away her parental rights. I’m just waiting until the kid is born,” he explains softly. “I’m going to be a single dad, and I know that isn’t what you thought you were getting. You deserve to know,and I won’t hold it against you if you don’t want to be with me…” His words are fast and furious as his nerves get the better of him.

I cut him off by pressing my lips against his. Like I could ever walk away from him.

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