Page 6 of Worth the Wait

“I know how busy you are.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, suddenly feeling bad for not spending more time with my only sibling. It had been nice, getting to know her.

“Don’t be. This is your dream.” She waved me off with not even a hint of resentment or anger.

“You really are the best sister. I hate that we didn’t get to grow up together,” I admitted.

After the split, my sister had flown out to Sugar Mountain a few times, but it was never for very long, and those visits stopped happening once our mother started filling up her schedule with various activities thatshe couldn’t miss. I never blamed Sarina because I’d refused to leave Sugar Mountain and go visit them in New York as well.

That was the only thing that had made me sad after coming here and getting to know them both all over again. I honestly felt like growing up without my mother had probably been good for me, but growing up without my little sister felt like a travesty.

“I know. But I can’t imagine growing up in Sugar Mountain. I don’t think I’d be who I am at all. I can’t even picture who I’d be. Can you see me living on a farm?” Her face twisted, like just the thought of living there was her ultimate personal nightmare.

“Sugar Mountain isn’t all farms.” I bit out a laugh.

There weren’t that many true farms at all. Christmas tree farms maybe. A pumpkin farm or two. But it was a mountain town. A ski and vacation resort more than anything else.

“Whatever. I love this city. I never want to live anywhere else,” she admitted.

I reached for her arm and gave it a tight squeeze. “I know. It suits you.”

“But you miss home, don’t you?” she asked, her expression mournful.

I swallowed as a lump instantly formed in my throat and my eyes started to water. I never felt like I could talk about these feelings with anyone, so I kept them all tucked inside, where they festered and ached. “So much.”

“And Patrick?”

Just hearing his name made my stomach twist. Patrick O’Grady wasn’t the kind of guy you got over. He was the kind you never forgot. The one you measured everyone else up against. The guy no one could ever compare to—not that I’d tried, much to my mother’s chagrin.

“Every day,” I answered.

“How have you lasted here this long?” she asked, her tone not at all malicious. It was genuinely curious.

“I don’t know,” I answered, even though I did.

Time was a funny thing. It just kept ticking, and if you weren’t keeping a careful eye on it, it could get away from you completely.

How had I gone almost four years without going home a single time? I knew exactly how.

If I’d gone back to Sugar Mountain, it would have kept me there. There was no way I could have stepped foot in the one place where I truly belonged and been able to leave again. Even if I’d been in the middle of my courses or in training with a world-famous chef, I would have given it all up to stay.

Once I’d convinced myself that I couldn’t go back because I’d never leave, it was easy to stay away. The same way I had to convince myself to not reach out to Patrick. Even though, technically, he’d cut me off first. He’d been right though. Staying in touch with him was too hard. Too painful. And never seemed to get any easier. So, before I had known it, all this time had slipped by, and I was looking back, wondering where it had all gone.

Years of it.

And I couldn’t get a single second of it back.

“Wanna know something?” Sarina asked, and I nodded. “I didn’t think you’d last a year.” She finished off her fake meal in a carton and shoved it away.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” She shrugged. “And now, it’s almost been four. Can you believe it?”

The lump in my throat was back.

“Not really,” I said.

Even though I was gaining so much knowledge by being here, I instinctively felt like I was losing something at the same time.