Page 65 of Worth the Wait

LOSING HER TWICE

PATRICK

Ilay in the king-size bed I’d bought for us, looking at her. Memorizing every single curve, dimple, and tanned freckle on her body. Now that I’d come down from my orgasm, reality was kicking me square in the nuts.

She’d told Clara she was going back to New York.

What if she never came back?

Hell, the only reason she was here right now was because her dad had gotten hurt. I shuddered, just thinking about that fact. No hurt dad, no Addi in my arms.

“What are you thinking about?” Her brown eyes settled on mine as she asked the question I knew she didn’t want to hear the answer to.

“If you’ll ever come back home or not. What are you thinking about?” I quickly asked her back.

She swallowed hard, her eyes closing for only a moment before reopening. “If this was what you needed to move on or not.”

That got my attention. I pushed up from the bed to sit up, grabbing a pillow and stuffing it behind my back. “Move on? What are you trying to say?”

“Maybe you just needed some kind of closure or something. I don’t know.”

I blew out a breath and turned to face her, hoping like hell she heard what I was about to say next. “You think I want closure? You think there’d ever be a time while I was fucking breathing that I’d want an end to you and me? I haven’t gotten over you in almost four years. I’ve counted every fucking day on a calendar on my wall, dreading if we let it reach five years.”

I wanted my words to imprint on her soul so she could never escape them.

Her eyes were wide. “Five years? I don’t get it. Why five?”

“They say if someone stays gone that long, they won’t come back,” I snapped.

“I’ve never heard that before,” she said softly.

I was suddenly all riled up. Emotional and pissed off that she’d think I’d want to get over her. Closure, my ass.

“Let me be real clear here. I’m never getting over you, Addi. I’ll never stop wanting you. I don’t fucking want closure. I never will. Even if you don’t want me anymore.”

I watched as she processed my words, her eyes looking everywhere but at me. Then, I got nervous. How had we split so far apart from where we’d once been?

“Hell, is that what this was for you? Some sort of last fuck before you went back to the big city and left me behind for good?”

“What? No,” she said quickly, her tone genuine, and I believed her.

We never used to lie to each other, and I didn’t want to start now.

“I don’t want to fight with you, Patrick.” Her voice was soft.

When she reached out her hand and put it on my stomach, I was instantly soothed, my temper dissipating with a single breath.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight with you either. I’m just so wrapped up in you, baby. I don’t want you to go.”

“I know,” she said, but they weren’t the words I wanted to hear.

I wanted to hear her say that she wouldn’t go back. That she couldn’t. That the idea of leaving was all wrong. I wanted her to want to stay because living without me wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I needed her to love me the way I still loved her, completely and without reservation.

“Will you tell me about the barn?” She smiled while my heart sank.

I’d accept the subject change for the moment, but I knew it wouldn’t last. I was on edge, feeling like if I didn’t say everything while I had the chance, I’d kick myself for it later.

I blew out a long, slow breath and settled deeper into the pillows at my back. “It’s the one you used to talk about. That you said would be good for weddings and events and stuff.”

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