Page 43 of Bozo

"You okay?" he asks, brushing a strand of hair from my face.

I nod, returning his smile. "More than okay."

He rolls off me, pulling me into his side. I rest my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat slowly return to normal. His fingers trail lazily up and down my spine, sending pleasant shivers through me.

"So," I say after a while. "Friends with benefits, huh?"

I feel him chuckle beneath me. "Yeah," he says, his fingers still tracing patterns on my skin. "Are you okay with that?"

I take a deep breath, considering. Part of me wants more, wants to explore the deeper feelings I have for him. But I know that could jeopardize everything we have. And I'm not willing to risk losing him completely.

"I think I can handle it," I say finally. "As long as we're honest with each other. No secrets, no jealousy."

He nods, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "Agreed. And if either of us starts to feel like it's too much, we stop. No hard feelings."

"Sounds good," I murmur, my heart pounding as I take a deep breath. “But that brings me to my next point. I’m on the pill, but you’ve gone ungloved twice. Are you with anyone else?”

Connor tenses slightly beneath me. "No, I'm not with anyone else," he says after a moment. "You're the only one, Grá."

I lift my head to look at him, searching his eyes. "Really? I mean, I know you hook up at parties sometimes..."

He shakes his head. "Not lately. And definitely not since... this," he gestures between us. "What about you?"

"No one else," I confirm. "But if that changes for either of us, we tell each other, right? And use protection?"

I watch as his jaw clenches. He’s silent for a few moments. "Absolutely," he says thickly, his voice rough. "I don't want to risk your health, Sunshine. Or complicate things more than necessary."

I nod, settling back against his chest. We lie in comfortable silence for a while, his fingers continuing their gentle exploration of my skin.

"Con?" I say softly.

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you came over tonight. I've missed you."

He tightens his arm around me. "Me too, Grá. Don't shut me out again, okay? No matter what happens between us, you're still my friend."

I swallow the lump in my throat. "I won't. I promise."

As I lie there in Connor's arms, I can't help but wonder if we're making a mistake. If this friends with benefits arrangement will end up destroying the friendship we both cherish so much. But for now, I push those thoughts aside, choosing instead to savor this moment. It’s not going to last forever.

"I should probably go," Connor says reluctantly a while later. "I've got an early start at the clubhouse tomorrow."

I try to ignore the pang in my chest at his words. This is what I agreed to, after all. "Yeah, of course," I say, sitting up and wrapping the sheet around myself.

Connor gets up and starts gathering his clothes. I watch him dress, admiring the play of muscles under his skin. When he's fully clothed, he turns back to me with a soft smile.

"Are we good?" he asks, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

I nod, forcing a smile. "We're good."

He leans down and kisses me softly, his hand cupping my cheek. "Get some sleep, Sunshine. I'll call you tomorrow."

I nod, not trusting myself to speak. He gives me one last lingering look before heading out of the bedroom. A moment later, I hear the front door open and close, and then the sound of his bike rumbling.

I flop back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. What have I gotten myself into? Friends with benefits sounds good in theory, but I know myself. I know how I feel about Connor. Can I really keep my emotions in check?

But the alternative—not having him in my life at all—is unthinkable. So I'll take what I can get, even if it means my heart might end up broken in the process.

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