Page 47 of Bozo

Mike squeezes my hand. "I understand. But sometimes, loving someone isn't enough. You have to love yourself too."

We sit in silence for a moment, his words sinking in. I know he's right, but the thought of letting go of Connor feels impossible.

"Thank you, Mike," I say finally, managing a small smile. "For the food and for listening. You're a good friend."

He smiles back, warm and genuine. "Anytime, Grá. That's what friends are for."

As we continue to eat, the conversation shifts to lighter topics. Mike tells me about his family and his brothers. He seems close to them, and from how he describes it, they have a great relationship. Mike’s funny, and I can’t help but laugh and smile. It feels good to do so, to forget about my complicated love life for a moment.

After we finish eating, Mike helps me clean up. Things between us are easy and I don’t feel uncomfortable, which is surprising, but I’m grateful that he came over this evening.

As he's about to leave, he pauses at the door. "Grá," he says softly, "I know you're going through a lot right now, but I want you to know that I'm here for you, whatever you need."

My heart warms at his words. "Thank you, Mike. That means more than you know."

He nods then hesitates for a moment, before speaking again. "And Grá? Just remember, you deserve happiness. Real, lasting happiness. Don't settle for anything less."

With that, he leaves, and I'm left standing in my doorway, his words echoing in my mind.

I spend the rest of the evening trying to distract myself with mindless TV shows, but my thoughts keep drifting back to Connor. And, surprisingly, to Mike. The contrast between them is like night and day. My mind is even more jumbled than before.

I’m halfway through the newest episode of Grey’s Anatomy when my phone buzzes with a text. I glance down at the screen and see that it's from Connor.

Connor: Miss you already, Sunshine. See you when I get back.

I stare at the message, my heart aching. I didn’t realize he was leaving today. God, no wonder he didn’t leave me straight away.

Ugh, what the hell is wrong with me? I love Connor, I really do. He’s one of the best men that I know. But he’s made it more than clear that he doesn’t want what I do, and maybe now is the time to start easing back from the arrangement we made. I want a lot more from life. I want to have a family, to have the chance to have a real family, one that’s filled with love and happiness—everything that mine wasn’t. I had always imagined it would be with Connor, but right now, I don’t think that’s ever going to happen, and I’m not sure I can wait any longer for him to decide if he wants me or not.

My mind turns to Mike and how sweet he was for turning up this evening. But just as quickly as that thought hits me, my entire body seizes. A chill runs down my spine as the realization hits me. I never told Mike where I lived. How did he know? My mind races, trying to recall if I ever mentioned my address to him at work. No, I'm certain I didn't.

I jump up from the couch, suddenly alert and on edge. I double-check that all the doors and windows are locked, my heart pounding in my chest. Is Mike creepy? Or am I just being paranoid?

I grab my phone, my finger hovering over Connor's name in my contacts. But what would I say? That I'm freaked out because a coworker brought me dinner? It sounds ridiculous even in my head. Besides, Connor's probably already in Spain. What’s he going to do for me over there?

Instead, I text Jerry, remembering the conversation we had at my graduation from university, where he met Mike, someone he already knew.

Me: Hey, quick question. Do you remember Mike from the hospital? You said he was the son of an associate. Did you give him my address?

Jerry's response comes almost immediately.

Jerry: No, I didn't. Why? Is everything okay?

My stomach drops. If Jerry didn't give Mike my address, how did he find out where I live?

Me: Just wondering. Everything's fine. No worries.

I lie, not wanting to worry Jerry unnecessarily. But my mind is whirling. Could Mike have accessed my personnel file at the hospital? That seems like a stretch, and a huge violation of privacy.

I pace my living room, trying to calm my racing thoughts. Maybe there's a logical explanation. Maybe I mentioned my address in passing and just don't remember.

I’m freaked out and have no idea what the hell to do about this. I need to keep Mike at arm’s length until I can find out what the hell is going on.

I don’t like it. I feel creeped the hell out. But he’s not technically done anything wrong. In fact, it was sweet of him tocheck in on me and bring me dinner. I’d look like a crazy person if I went to HR with it.

Ugh, what the heck am I going to do?

FIFTEEN

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