Page 24 of Bozo

I turn on my heel and walk out of the club. I need to get the fuck out of here, away from her, before I lose my restraint and go back. I want Gráinne, more than I care to admit, but I won’t be the reason that she’s hurt or brought into this fucked up world I’m in.

She’s my best friend and that’s how it’ll stay.

EIGHT

GRÁINNE

“Gráinne,” Jer greets me as I’m brought to his table by the server. I lean across the table and press a kiss to his cheek. “How are you?”

I smile at him, my heart full of love for the man who has given me everything that my own father couldn’t. Jerry hasn’t been in my life for very long, but he’s made such an impact that I could never repay him for everything he’s done. “I’m good, thank you. How are you?”

He waves for me to take a seat opposite him. “I’m good. How was your party last night?”

I roll my eyes. “Jer, you were there with me.” He watched everything, including Connor and I kissing, but of course Connor pulled away and left.

“How are you really, Grá? You’ve been in love with that man for longer than I’ve known you.”

I sigh, fiddling with the napkin on the table. "I don't know, Jer. It's complicated."

"Love always is," he says with a knowing smile. "But that doesn't mean it's not worth pursuing."

I shake my head, memories of last night flooding back. "You saw what happened. He kissed me and then just... left."

Jer leans forward, his eyes kind. "Did you ever think that maybe he's just as scared as you are?"

"Connor? Scared?" I scoff. "He's not afraid of anything."

"Everyone's afraid of something, Gráinne. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart."

I bite my lip, considering his words. Could Connor really be scared? The same Connor who's always been my protector, my rock?

"But what if..." I start, my voice barely above a whisper. "What if I'm reading too much into it? What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

Jer reaches across the table, patting my hand gently. “You’re not, but right now, Connor isn’t ready for what he truly wants. He’s dealing with a lot of shit, Grá. I know you love him, but sometimes, love isn’t always the answer.”

My heart aches at his words, but I understand what he means. Connor’s dealt with so much shit in his life. Maybe a relationship is the last thing he needs right now.

"So, what do I do?" I ask, feeling lost. Connor has always been a constant in my life. He’s my best friend, someone I have always known that I can rely on.

Jer gives me a sympathetic smile. "You be there for him, just as you've always been. As a friend. Give him time and space to sort through his own feelings. And in the meantime, focus on yourself."

"Focus on myself?" I repeat, the concept feeling foreign. I don’t know how to do that.

"Yes, Gráinne. You've spent so much of your life taking care of others—your father, Connor. It's time you started thinking about what you want, what makes you happy."

I sit back in my chair, considering his words. What do I want? For so long, my wants and needs have been secondary to everyone else's. The idea of putting myself first is both exciting and terrifying.

"I... I don't even know where to start," I admit.

Jer chuckles softly. "That's okay. Start small. You’re in college now. You’ve always dreamed of being a doctor—again, taking care of others—but I want you to really focus on that."

My heart warms even more at his words. “You’re an amazing man, Jerry. You know that?” I can feel my cheeks heating. I’m not usually so emotional. "Thank you, Jer. For everything."

He waves off my gratitude. "That's what family does, Gráinne. Now, let's order some food. I'm starving."

Family... God, that’s not something I’ve truly had. Connor was the only person I could ever rely on, who I could ever count on, and now I have Jerry.

“Now, I’ve brought you here to have a nice dinner to celebrate your birthday. Browse the menu and see what you’d like.”

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