Page 23 of Bozo

How could I refuse? I let her pull me onto the makeshift dance floor, where other party goers are swaying to the music. Grá moves with ease, her body close to mine, and I'm hyper-aware of every point of contact between us.

There’s no doubt in my mind—never has been—that Grá is the only woman I have ever loved and will ever love. But what I did last night is something that can’t be brushed over. Jer was right, killing a man will change you. It’ll shape you into someone you don’t recognize, and that’s me right now. Grá deserves everything in life. She deserves pure love and happiness. I’d taint that. She’s had enough violence in her life. I won’t ever bring that to her again.

"You okay?" Grá asks, noticing my distraction. "You seem a million miles away."

I pull her closer, breathing in her scent. "I'm right here," I assure her. "Just thinking about how far you’ve come."

She blushes, ducking her head. "I have you to thank for that,” she whispers. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’re smart as hell, Grá. You’d have made your way, no matter what.”

“I hate your dad, Con. I hate that he’s made you into this man who doesn’t believe his worth. I hate that he doesn’t understand just how truly amazing, handsome, and brilliant you are.”

Christ, she’s fucking killing me. I know that she wants me. I’ve known for a while. But I’d never go there. I can’t. She’s too precious, too damn good for me.

I swallow hard, trying to keep my emotions in check. "Grá, you don't know what you're saying. I'm not?—"

"Don't," she interrupts, her eyes flashing with determination. "Don't you dare try to brush this off, Connor. I know exactly what I'm saying."

She pulls back slightly, her hands moving to cup my face. The touch sends electricity through my body.

"I've known you for years," she continues, her voice low and intense. "I've seen you at your best and your worst. And I'm telling you, Connor, that you are the best man I know."

I close my eyes, overwhelmed by her words and the feelings they stir in me. "Grá, there are things about me... things I've done..."

"I don't care," she says fiercely. "Whatever it is, whatever you've done, it doesn't change what I know."

My eyes snap open, meeting hers. "You’re too damn trusting. Too damn sweet."

She shrugs. “That may be so, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re an amazing man, Connor. The very best there is.”

"Grá," I start, my voice rough with emotion. "You don't know what that is. I'm not the man you think I am."

She shakes her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "You're exactly the man I think you are. Strong, loyal, protective. And yes, sometimes dangerous. But I'm not some delicate flower, Connor. I can handle it."

I'm torn between the overwhelming desire to pull her close and kiss her senseless, and the equally strong urge to push her away, to protect her from the darkness that surrounds me.

Grá steps closer. “You are my Connor.”

Fuck. I drag her closer to me, my lips slanting against hers. The moment our lips meet, it's like a spark ignites between us. Grá melts into me, her body molding against mine. I can taste the champagne on her lips, sweet and intoxicating.

My hands slide down to her waist, pulling her even closer as the kiss deepens. Grá lets out a soft moan, her fingers tangling inmy hair. The world around us fades away–the music, the party, everything disappears until it's just us.

But reality comes crashing back all too soon. I break the kiss, breathing heavily as I rest my forehead against hers. "Grá," I whisper, my voice rough. "We can't do this."

She pulls back slightly, her eyes searching mine. "Why not?" she demands. "I want this, Connor. I want you."

I close my eyes, trying to gather my thoughts. "You deserve better than me, Sunshine. You deserve someone who isn't... tainted."

Grá's hand comes up to cup my cheek, forcing me to look at her. "Don't you get it, Connor? I don't want anyone else. I want you, with all your flaws and rough edges. That's what makes you real."

I shake my head, even as my resolve weakens. "You don't know what you're asking for, Grá. The things I've done..."

"Then tell me," she says firmly. "Whatever it is, we'll face it together."

I step back and shake my head. Never, not fucking ever, will I let her into this fucked up world.

“Happy birthday, Grá,” I say, brushing my fingers along her cheek. “Enjoy your evening.”

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