Page 69 of Endgame

After leaving the meeting with the realtor this morning, Callaway dropped me off before heading to an afternoon practice. While alone in my apartment, I was expecting to feel myself start spiraling, letting the hurt and loss take over again. But the opposite happened; there was a liberty from letting go earlier in the day. I’d like to say I got there on my own, but that’s not the case.

Callaway is the master behind my new emotional freedom.

There was obviously work put in on my part; however, I think the idea of knowing, whether I cried or cheered, he would support me.

In that quaint moment, he felt like a lifeline.

The house resembled everything I remembered as a child and since their passing. After reviewing the selling terms with the realtor, we agreed on the listing price, and since I’m not living there, showings can be scheduled as needed.

Thankfully, I picked up the more important things that were left at Trevor’s, and the majority of the furniture and clothing was donated to a storm relief fund.

I keep replaying our moment together at Joe’s. I thoughtletting him get me off would be what I needed to move on from this intense pull I feel towards him, but I’m slowly realizing it’s the emotional connection with him that feels the most necessary.

Yes, he had me wrestling with my control in a way that drove me mad, but his words of affirmation affected me like I’ve never experienced before. It felt like everything he’s ever believed and seen in me, big or small, came true before my eyes becausehewas the one who spoke it into existence. The weight of his presence in my life is becoming something I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to give up.

You captivate me.

It’s one thing tosaysomething but toact outwhat you claim to believe with someone is entirely different. Something as simple as how I occasionally catch him admiring me with the softest of smiles after our conversations end. It’s like he can’t look away.

I’ve never felt so adored and admired in my life.

I can see the amount of reserve he was using to make sure we never once crossed the line. Though tempting and often disappointing, it makes me respect the hell out of him.

He embodies everything in a man that makes up a great husband.

Being thirty years old and knowing what you want is commendable. Baseball may take up most of his days, but it’s clear Cal has so much love to give.

I want to be on the receiving end of that love.

I already am.

It’s time to forget about everything for today and make the most of it, time off being a rarity. Tomorrow's photoshoot is happening whether I’m ready for it or not, and I need a new bikini. Maybe I should stick with my favorite color and throw his patience out the window.

Red. I’m in search of red.

Twenty bags later,two for me and the rest for Navy, we’re loaded up in the Mercedes in search of some good grub. I’m surprised when Navy claims she’s onboard to hit up my favorite brewhouse for dinner and beer, and cookie bakes sound like heaven. Navy is the pickiest eater, but I will eat anything; throw in a cookie, and I’ll be happy for life. Navy knows this, and I think she senses my stress.

We’re seated at a corner booth in the brewhouse. The restaurant is built with walls of brown brick from top to bottom, string lights scattering the ceiling, giving the place an eclectic feel. Once the waiter takes our order, a heavy weight settles over us. Whether it’s from Navy or me is still yet to be determined. I know she has questions. We avoided anything significant while shopping, giving us both the mental vacation we needed, but I could sense she was struggling.

“I think I’m gonna end things with Luke.”

I was not expecting that. I need to check my face and make sure I don’t reveal to Navy how thrilled that makes me. He’s never been good enough for her.

Seems we are both terrible at picking men.

I decide to be there for her however she needs; maybe she wants me to listen. “Did something happen?”

Navy exhales a long breath that seems like relief over me allowing her to vent. “Not really. Yes. I don't know. I think the spark is gone. That may sound superficial and shallow, but I want to feel something with the person I choose to be with. Ya know? It doesn’t help that he tries to control everything I do.”

I couldn’t understand more if I tried. Trevor is the epitome of controlling and a perpetual woman-shamer…

“Of course I understand, Navs. That’s exactly how Trevor was. I’ve noticed little things with Luke, but it’s never been my place to say. We would probably be having an entirely different conversation if he made you happy. But you deserve more than some pathetic man trying to dim your light. You’re better than that.”

She looks at me quizzically, running her hands through her curly locks. I know how hard this is for her. Navy and Luke have been together since they were in high school; that’s over ten years of her life wasted on someone she feels nothing for now. I know she cares about him, making her the farthest thing from shallow, but is that enough to sacrifice the deepest of love and happiness?

I think not.

That’s one of the reasons I’ve always been so hesitant; if I’m not confident the relationship will last, then it’s not worth the investment.

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