Page 42 of Endgame

I guess I did come on a little too strong.

She makes me jumpy, and I had to get it out beforechanging my mind. I give myself a second to clean my face while contemplating what kind of explanation to give her. I wouldn’t want to set her off again.

“That was a little forward. I’m sorry. I should have warned you, although I’m unsure how that would have looked. You’re all I’ve got, Navs. You know how hard I’ve worked this past year to be better for myself since their death and the breakup. The fact that he’s your brother makes me feel even more off center. I won’t lose our friendship simply because I’m craving a man’s touch. I almost did last night, and I realize now how stupid I was. I couldn’t keep this from you. We haven’t slept together, though, if that’s what you're wondering. I asked, but he turned me down and insisted I date him instead.”

I must be imagining things because Navy isgrinning.

“I had a feeling that was coming. That sounds so much like Cal, Kodi. He talked to me about you, you know. At the club.”

I suspected they were somewhere talking, but no part of me even considered I was the topic. “He did? What did he say?”

She looks like she’s debating if she should tell me. It wouldn’t be considered breaking Callaway’s trust if it’s concerning me, right?

“He said he was shooting his shot. He wanted to make sure I knew, kind of how you are right now, before he pursued you. Pursuing a woman is something I’ve never seen him do. That’s incredibly surprising for him, and it actually makes me happy to see him so infatuated. With that being said, I’m not thrilled about it being you. I don’t mean that to hurt you, but out of every woman available to him, he has to go for my best friend. I hate that. It makes me feel like I’m inthe middle, and if things don’t work out between the two of you, I still lose one of you.”

I’m a little thrown off by his bluntness towards Navy and also by her quick refusal of the possibility of Callaway and me.

I understand where Navy is coming from. By him telling her that, he put her in a difficult position, and I could never stand in the way of their relationship.

“I can’t believe he did that. But I get your side.” My stomach is in knots. “I want you to know that I turned him down because dating someone isn’t what I want, and I won’t interfere with the relationship you guys have. You both found each other so much later in life. I know firsthand that family means everything. I’ll respect that and leave it to rest.”

She cuts in, “That means a lot to me, Kodi. Cal has always been the mature one in our family. As soon as he was introduced as my brother, he became all things to each of us. He never let my parents lift a finger to do so much as grab a single grocery bag, take out the trash, mow the lawn, little things like that when dad couldn’t—sometimes even when he could. He’s the best guy I know. We’ve been waiting for the day a woman captivates him. He’s particular and knows what he wants. I know you both are adults and technically don’t need my permission, but I appreciate you considering my feelings by not letting it go any farther.”

Why did that make my heart drop? I don’t want anything deeper with Callaway, but for some reason knowing the option is no longer available makes me question it.

“I can barely take care of myself, Navs. I’ve still got a lot of work to do. Besides, we work together now so he’s even more off limits than before.”

I catch her rolling her eyes like she knows I'm talking a big game.

It sounds a lot like I’m trying to convince myself.

She has seen my struggle with life firsthand. The depression comes in waves, while the guilt of not saying goodbye terrorizes my memories of them. I can’t bear to look at childhood pictures. The tangible love I know I’ll find in those pictures feels like something I can’t remember. It’s like their death created this permanent scar on my heart that feels irreparable. I would be an awful human being for putting that burden on someone else to carry. It’s difficult enough on my shoulders.

Hence, why hooking up is all I was able to offer him at the time.

Even though my body clearly won’t let me escape him.

I don’t actually want to escape him, but I can’t let him get too close.

My scars can only hibernate in chambers for so long.

Navy grabs her coffee and pivots her body towards me in the booth. “I wish you could see what I do. You are so strong, Kodi. Anyone can see that. If this last year has shown me anything, it’s that you’re a rockstar, and so deserving of the love you show without even realizing it. Be careful, okay? Focus on yourself.”

“That’s the plan.” A plan I’m hating more and more by the second. “I’m so thankful for you, even though you look like a sixty-five and up bingo champion right now.”

Laughing together, I pull her in for another hug, soaking in the familiar comfort she brings. I don’t know what I was expecting from our conversation, but Navy telling me it was a bad idea was not it. I need to make sure I’m being steadfast enough not to let my heart get involved.

It’s for the best.

Maybe fucking and forgetting was the last thing I needed.

But letting go of the idea of Callaway doesn’t feel like an option either.

19

CALLAWAY

“Mind over matter,boys. Get out there and give it your all. Remind yourselves why you love the game.” Coach Leggins encourages us as the team huddles in the dugout.

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