Page 118 of Endgame

We both need to evaluate our futures.

I hope they still align.

46

CALLAWAY

I’m such an idiot.

My ass is lucky Dakota didn’t all but dismantle me right then and there.

I deserved it.

I can’t even justify the feeling that came over me at the news of her phone call. It’s like a darkness clouded my vision, and all I could see was her leaving me alone.

This push and pull that has been happening between us the last few months is clearly fucking with my head. Somewhere along the way, she became everything to me. Thoughts of a life with her, taking up space even before baseball, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I’d never survive the loss of her, and I hope to God I won’t have to now.

I’m so fucking stupid. The way I overheard the smallest detail and assumed the worst without even giving her a chance to speak, I don’t know what the hell came over me.

I was raised better than that. I am better than that.

The second she brought up her biggest insecurity and the way I triggered that deep pain from within…I could have disintegrated right there.

Why would I leave? I mean, I know why. I needed space. The walls of the house felt like they were closing in, and I was suffocating. There’s always this pressure for me to perform and be on top of my game.

I snapped.

She’s my weakness, and I’m pretty sure she always has been and will be.

Dakota has been through so much—but she’s grown so much more. I’m proud of her, and it’s clear I was too wrapped up in my own assumptions that I made her feel like her progress meant nothing.

It was wrong of me to silence her. Thinking back, she looked like she would welcome me into the conversation, not insist I leave because she didn’t want me to hear. She was probably singing my fucking praises, and I silenced her voice.

Shame on me.

Seeing her in such agony over my evident pain, although no longer warranted, destroyed me. I was so lost in the idea of her leaving I didn’t think about the possibility of her turning the job down.

Two points for jumping to conclusions, Callaway.

I owe her so much more than an apology. It’s time we stopped dancing around each other's feelings. I need to share how I feel with her; I couldn’t tell her in the moment how I truly felt, but I refuse to wait another second.

Because I do.

I love that grouchy, beautiful, and incredibly passionate woman with every ounce of love my heart has to give.

Which is what leads me to her doorstep tonight.

I’m not naive enough to think I don't deserve her restraint.I do.

But I’ve never been one to sit around and wait forsomethingI needto come to me. And I need Dakota. She needs me too, whether she feels it at the moment or not.

My nerves are in the gutter, causing my insides to churn in response; the realization hits me that this is a first. I’ve never cared enough to fight for a woman, not for lack of respect, but I was able to move on without them. She’s the constant in all of my latest firsts, and I can’t move on from her. What an evolution we’ve made from day one.

Now it’s time to get my girl back.

I’m standing outside her apartment door. It’s now eleven at night, and I can see her light on from under the threshold, which tells me she’s awake.

Now the question is, will she answer?

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