Page 35 of Don't Fall in Love (and how to break the rules)

“I remain unconvinced,” she said.

“Here,” said Nisha, holding out a tiny toothbrush glass from the ensuite, filled with as much Rioja as it could house.

“What are you drinking from?” asked Chrissie, accepting the glass and taking a fulsome swig. She was going to need it.

Nisha held up the bottle. “See, ever the gentleman, letting you have the glass while I swig from the source.” She poured the wine directly into her mouth and Chrissie laughed. It reminded her of the eighteen-year-old Nisha she remembered.

“Cheers,” said Nisha.

“Your very good health,” replied Chrissie. They both took generous mouthfuls and sighed.

“That’s better,” said Nisha. “I can’t quite believe we’re here.”

“I know,” said Chrissie.

“So, back to forgiveness, then.” Nisha looked at Chrissie. The woman was relentless.

“Well, I guess I find it hard,” said Chrissie, her edges beginning to soften with the wine. “Not only did I abandon Kiera like I’ve already told you, but it ended up being her who saved me. I mean, literally saved me.”

“How do you mean?”

“The way it ended in Wales, I wound up hungry, cold and cut off from the world with a small group of others in the middle of nowhere in the Welsh hills. One day I saw Lucian’s phone lyingout on the side – he didn’t let us have our phones. I knew I needed to get out, but I could only remember one number,” said Chrissie.

“Hers,” said Nisha.

“Yes. And she came, she rescued me and took me back to her place and gave me somewhere to stay for the first few weeks. I have no idea why she did, to be honest,” said Chrissie, “but I know I couldn’t have got away and started again without her.”

“Wow.” Nisha had shuffled closer to Chrissie, allowing their arms to touch. Chrissie felt a warmth spread through her at the contact. But she knew Nisha wasn’t going to absolve her. No one could do that.

“So you can see why she would hate me. As it happens, I don’t think she does. But she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, and I think that’s about right. I wouldn’t either. So I feel like forgiving myself is a long way off.” Chrissie dropped her head, not sure what Nisha would do or say next.

“So you set yourself rules for the next part of your life to make sure you didn’t mess up so badly again?” Nisha said. “For the first time, I sort of get it.” She sighed. “This Kiera, she seems like she’s actually pretty decent.”

Chrissie felt a pain in her heart. “Yes, she is. And I think she’s happy now, which I’m really pleased about.”

“You don’t want to get back with her?” asked Nisha.

“No,” said Chrissie. “While I blew the relationship up in spectacular and damaging fashion, the truth is, we had stopped having anything in common. It wasn’t working, and somewhere between Dad’s death and meeting those people, I lost my way.”

“And do you still do the poly thing?” asked Nisha.

“All the questions!” said Chrissie with a laugh, bringing a much needed dose of levity. “No. It all sounded wonderful and utopian, and I know there are people it works for. But in reality, it didn’t work for me. I don’t have anything against it. I think myfriend Rae is poly, and they absolutely make it work. I’m quite envious, really. But I’m just not that person.”

“Nah,” said Nisha. “Me neither.”

Chrissie could feel her friend’s hand resting on hers. Such a light, gentle contact. But somehow, it felt like so much more.

Chapter Thirty

Butterflies fluttered up from Chrissie’s stomach and her head swam slightly, thanks to the early start and the two glasses of wine she had imbibed. It wasn’t an unpleasant sensation. “Right,” she said. “Your turn. Tell me why you left after that night.”

“I guess it’s only fair,” said Nisha. She puffed out a breath and looked up, to the artexed ceiling that owed its awful pattern to the nineties, along with the rest of the room’s decor.

“Honestly, I think it is fair,” added Chrissie, the wine emboldening her. “I can’t tell you how lost I felt in that moment when I woke up and you were gone.”

“I’m sorry,” said Nisha. “Really, truly. I was sorry the moment I did it. But I couldn’t help myself.”

“Tell me about it.” Chrissie’s voice was barely above a whisper.

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