Page 29 of Don't Fall in Love (and how to break the rules)

Chrissie raised her eyebrows. Philippa knew what she wanted, and she knew how to get it. “Er yes, of course.”

“Now, of course, I cannot allow the company to pay for Dottie’s place. That would be a conflict of interest. So I will pay personally for her,” added Philippa.

“That makes sense,” said Chrissie. She was beginning to see why Dottie was the way she was, and to her surprise, she was starting to warm to the woman. Perhaps there was more to her than being a helicopter parent.

“And because I do family law, I’ve got all the appropriate clearances. I could come on the trip too, if an extra pair of hands would be of use.” Philippa drained her coffee cup. “You’ve got my email address. Sorry to have to dash, but I have a client in half an hour, so I’d better get going. Thanks for your time.”

“No,” said Chrissie, “thank you!”

And with that, Philippa was gone. Chrissie half expected a puff of smoke. She slowly raised the drink she had yet to start to her lips and began to work mentally through her next steps for the school trip. She needed to talk to Nisha and Dan about it so they could provide Philippa with some costs as soon as possible.

She frowned, thinking back to their previous conversation.

“It’s what I do,” Nisha had said. “I run.”

“What do you mean?” Chrissie had replied.

“I mean, that’s what I do,” Nisha told her. “I ran out on you, and I ran out on Jake and London. I’m not proud of it. But it’s just part of my DNA.”

“But you said you and Jake drifted apart?”

“Yeah, we did, but I couldn’t face sorting out the separation and staying in London. So I left.” Chrissie had noticed a defensive note in Nisha’s voice.

“But you have control over your actions, right?” she’d asked.

“Yes, I guess. But I also know what I’m like. I’m not the paragon of virtue you seem to have become,” said Nisha with a sniff.

“That’s not fair,” Chrissie told her. “And it still doesn’t explain why you ran away from me.”

“I don’t know,” Nisha had said, with a sigh. “Look, I’m not sure it’s helpful to talk about this stuff. It’s ancient history. You say it was a mistake to kiss me, and I feel like shit. I think you should go so I can have a nap.”

Chrissie hadn’t needed telling twice. It was obvious there was more to this than Nisha was letting on, but somehow they’d gone from having an honest conversation to trading barbs. She got up, put their soup bowls in the kitchen and left, closing the front door gently behind her.

In the days that followed, Nisha had been quite frosty with her, only making eye contact when she had to, and keeping chat to a minimum. Chrissie’s journal was full of prose about her colleague and old friend. But was she a friend now? Chrissie wasn’t sure. They seemed to flip-flop between being close and acting like strangers. She didn’t understand why everything was so hard, but if it did nothing else, it reinforced her rule. Definitely don’t fall in love.

Chapter Twenty-Four

The days passed by in a whirl, thanks to Philippa, who had waved through their costs, adding an extra twenty percent onto the expenses estimate her company was providing, for what she termed ‘little extras’.

Nisha and Chrissie resumed a working relationship in the classroom, but as if by silent agreement, they’d stopped talking about their lives outside school altogether. Chrissie was relieved. It took her off the emotional roller coaster she’d been on since the start of term.

Chrissie worked with Nisha, Dan and increasingly Philippa on planning the trip. Permission letters were sent out and enthusiastic children drew endless pictures of baguettes and the Eiffel Tower – and in one case, an Eiffel Tower made out of baguettes.

Chrissie’s journal was more full of questions than ever before. The planning made for a good distraction during the day, but each evening, her thoughts were dominated by the events of the recent weeks, and the flashbacks she still had to the sight of Nisha making tea in her underwear in her flat after the rainstorm.

A week before the trip Chrissie found herself transitioning from ‘cat’ to ‘cow’ and back again in Rae’s yoga class, breathing in all the right places, and still somehow her mind was full. She seemed unable to “breathe out the complexities of life” as Rae advised the class to do.

They caught up for their post-class drink and chat, and Rae questioned Chrissie on what was going on.

“The same, really,” Chrissie told her. “I try to be friendly and a good colleague, and it’s fine at work, but Nisha seems to have closed down. It’s like she’s pulled down the shutters.” Chrissie clasped her hands together. “She’s not nasty or anything, but she’s not really engaging with me on anything that isn’t essential. I feel like I’ve really messed things up, but I can’t work out why.”

“Have you considered that she might feel rejected by you?” asked Rae, thoughtfully.

Chrissie shrugged. “I don’t really think she’s into me, to be honest. It’s clear she’s still getting over her ex-boyfriend, and she’s more interested in criticising my life choices than talking about how she feels.”

“Yeah, but don’t they say attack is the best form of defence?” said Rae, sipping their oat milkshake. “You said she didn’t understand why you’ve set yourself up to be single. Is that code for her being hurt that you don’t want her?”

“But she didn’t want me in the first place,” said Chrissie, exasperated. “She left me before, she still won’t explain why, and now she’s shutting me out.”

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