Page 23 of Don't Fall in Love (and how to break the rules)

“Mmm,” replied Chrissie. “It’s been a pretty intense few days. For a start, Lucian showed up on my doorstep.”

“Oh my God,” said Rae, momentarily pausing their clearing up. “Are you ok? Do you need to talk?”

Chrissie nodded. Her mind had been a blur of circular thinking and rumination for the remainder of the weekend after she’d kissed Nisha.

“Come on then,” said Rae. “Let’s go for a stroll down by the River Rea. It’s not far from here, and I hear there’ve been a few kingfisher sightings.”

“Sounds ideal,” agreed Chrissie, relieved to have someone to share her thoughts with. She needed to sort herself out before work on Monday.

They made their way down Vicarage Road, towards the bottom of Cartland Road, where they picked up the river. Abruptly, they went from urban sprawl to a green haven for wildlife, soothed by the babble of flowing water.

As they walked, Chrissie told her friend about the previous day, leaving nothing out, aside from the daydreaming about Nisha in the shower. That didn’t need to be shared with anyone else, although she couldn’t deny that she’d replayed the thought a few times in solitude since the previous afternoon.

“How did you leave it?” asked Rae, once the whole tale had been told. One of the things Chrissie valued about them as a friend was that they were such a good listener, and made the time to hear everything, not asking questions or jumping in with advice.

“It was all a bit awkward,” said Chrissie, biting her lip. “I said I was feeling overwhelmed by seeing Lucian and that I needed to be on my own. I think she wanted to talk.”

“Talk?” said Rae with a friendly grin.

“Well,” replied Chrissie, “I got the sense she felt we had unfinished business. Which of course is true, and not just from yesterday.”

“You’ll have to tell me more about that another time,” said Rae. “But did you leave things ok?”

“I think so,” said Chrissie. “She accepted I needed a bit of time. She was very sweet, actually. She gave me a hug and told me to call her if I needed her.” She didn’t tell Rae that she’d held onto the hug for a little longer than was strictly necessary and almost reversed her own decision that nothing further should happen in that moment. Nisha had followed up with a text message an hour later, checking in on Chrissie. Her kindness was genuinely touching, and it went straight into her journal, along with everything else that had happened.

And the never-ending questions.

“Do you think, perhaps, that there might be something here to be explored?” asked Rae, a note of caution in their voice. Chrissie had told them how hesitant she was to be involved – with anyone – many times.

“It’s too complicated. We have all this history,” said Chrissie, letting her hand brush against the leaves drooping from the trees on the banks of the river, still glistening with raindrops. “And I just don’t think I’m ready to be with anyone. I don’t think I can be trusted not to ruin everything.”

“Do you not think we all feel a bit like that?” asked Rae.

“Do you?”

“Well, yes, actually. I do, sometimes,” said Rae. They ruffled their hair and gave a rueful smile.

“And there’s me, obsessing about myself and going on about all that’s happening in my life. I haven’t even asked about you,” said Chrissie, berating herself for having now managed to ignore all three of her rules this weekend, to a greater or lesser extent.

“It’s no biggie,” said Rae. “I’ve just started seeing someone. No drama. But I definitely get what you mean about being afraid to wreck everything. She’s so lovely and fun and sparky. I don’t want to spoil it.”

“Right, we’re officially pausing my debacle of a life for the moment, tell me about her, I’m desperate to know!”

Rae smiled, their cheeks going pink. “She’s called Clodagh. She’s gorgeous and funny and very sexy. She’s a physio at the hospital. Very clever, great company.”

“She sounds perfect for you,” said Chrissie. “You’re such a wonderful friend, I can only imagine you’d make a brilliant partner.”

“Aw, that’s a lovely thing to say,” said Rae. “And the thing is,” they continued, “the same can be said of you.”

“We’re not conflating those two things,” Chrissie told them, gently. “I know that maybe one day I might be in a position to give someone a proper loving relationship, but I have work to do on myself.” She kicked a stone into the undergrowth. “I’m not the finished article.”

“Are any of us?” said Rae.

“Look!” whispered Chrissie urgently. She pointed to a flash of royal blue and dark orange.

“The kingfisher!” said Rae. They both stopped, their breaths almost held so as not to startle the creature that was so rarely seen here.

The bird hovered and flitted around the tree roots and dangling shrubs that met the flowing river. It popped in and out of the foliage, occasionally disappearing and then emerging somewhere else.

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