Page 15 of Don't Fall in Love (and how to break the rules)

He gathered his things, kissed them both on the cheek, and then left.

“Another drink, my lady?” asked Chrissie, emboldened by the wine.

“Ugh, you can stop with that, I’m not Penelope Featherington, and you’re not Colin Bridgerton!” They both laughed. “But yes, I’ll have another of these.” She waved the almost empty branded beer glass she was holding.

By the time Chrissie had returned to the table, and the overhead lighting had been turned down, and a member of staff had put a lit tealight in a jar between them, the bar was definitely on evening mode. “Aha, thanks,” said Nisha. She gestured to the room and spoke again: “It would seem that romance is on the agenda.”

“I, er, well, I mean.” Chrissie fumbled with her words, her hands shaking as she put the drinks down. Had she missed an episode?

“They obviously think so here,” continued Nisha, grinning her most winning smile. “Check out the candles on all the tables. And isn’t that Lionel Richie coming through the speakers now? Old school.”

“Very old school,” said Chrissie, relieved they had moved on from her stumbling faux pas. Of course Nisha didn’t mean they were having a romantic moment. Of course not. If Chrissie knew anything about the modern-day Nisha, it was that she was probably straight. She needed to have a word with her runaway imagination.

“Do you mind if I ask you something?” asked Nisha, her strong arm holding her pint to her lips as she finished speaking.

“I suppose not,” said Chrissie, holding her breath and wondering where the heck this was heading.

“What happened with your marriage?”

Chrissie let out the breath she’d been holding. “What happened?” she sighed. “I wrecked it.”

Chapter Eleven

It wasn’t a story she told often, nor was it one she was proud of, but it was part of who she was and she knew she had to own it. She was terrified Nisha might judge her for it, but she went ahead anyway.

The two of them went back too far for her to pretend.

“We met not long after Dad died. Kiera lived near me – still does. She works at the hospital. Anyway, she was this wonderful, sensible, kind person who came into my life at absolutely the perfect time. I’m not sure how I would have coped in the years that followed his death without her.”

Nisha nodded, saying nothing. Chrissie continued. “It was wonderful, it really was. We worked so well together. But life was hard. I struggled to find meaning in anything. Things started to change for the better for me when I discovered Infinite Bliss.”

“Infinite Bliss? Is that new age hippy stuff?” asked Nisha.

“Yes,” said Chrissie, exhaling before she went on. “Well, that’s how they described themselves. I would go to these wonderful workshops where I’d get in touch with my inner soul, where the world would be explained to me, and meaning derived from everything from plants to food to movement. Kierahated it. She thought they were charlatans.” She paused on that. Ultimately, Kiera had been right. “She dismissed them out of hand. And it only pushed me further in, if I’m honest. I found myself doing something with the community almost every night. And we’d go on these amazing residentials over long weekends. It was like I’d come home. The leader, Lucian, he could explain everything – why the world was the way it was, how we could make it better, how we could reach enlightenment.”

“Sounds sketchy,” said Nisha.

Chrissie frowned. “In retrospect, yes. But at the time it felt like suddenly everything made sense. The more I got involved, the better my life got, or so I thought. But also, the further I got from my wife. She turned from the kind, thoughtful person I’d married into someone who was always suspicious of the people I spent time with, and increasingly angry and agitated with me. I mean, I sort of get that now. I think she was trying to protect me – to protect herself too. But at the time, it just drove an even greater wedge between us.”

“Confirmation bias,” said Nisha, absently.

“What?”

“Confirmation bias – basically, you wanted to believe what this bloke was telling you, and so you did. Kiera disagreed, but rather than bringing you round to her viewpoint, you ended up moving further away,” said Nisha.

“I guess so,” agreed Chrissie. “But it really wasn’t her fault. I had a lot of therapy after I came out of Infinite Bliss, and I now realise that so much of what happened was my doing and my responsibility.”

Chrissie continued to relate the slow deterioration of her marriage, the way Lucian had encouraged members only to have relationships with those in the group – those who had reached the same plane of enlightenment. The way he’d encouraged polyamory. By this point, Chrissie was utterly under his spell.

“How old was he?” asked Nisha at one point.

“Er, in his mid to late sixties, I think,” said Chrissie, picturing the charismatic man with white hair.

“Same age as your dad would have been,” said Nisha. Chrissie gave a rueful smile. This was something she had explored with her counsellor. Lucian had become a paternal figure to many of them, but with the recent death of her own father, it was all the more potent for Chrissie.

“Yes. And I craved his approval. I can’t explain to you the power he had over me. Over all of us. There was a small group of us, and it was like we were the chosen ones. He’d talk about how far we’d transcended western materialism, and that others in the group should look to us for inspiration. It was a heady mix of approval and worship.”

Nisha nodded. “Wow.” They sat quietly without speaking for a moment. “So, you left your wife?”

---