Page 61 of Crazy Imperfect Hearts

She nods silently, as if embarrassed.

“Tell me why.”

“It’s kind of a long story. You sure you want to hear it?”

I take my shoes off again and settle in, leaning back against a pillow. “I don’t have anywhere to be at the moment.”

“Well, as you know, I played volleyball in high school.”

“You were an amazing player.”

She smiles, but it’s a sad one. “I loved it. I even made the JV team my freshman year at Houghton—you knew I went there, didn’t you? My parents wanted me to attend a Christian university. They made it clear it was the only way they’d pay my tuition. It’s a small school, so making the JV team as a freshman wasn’t that big a deal. Still, I was happy to be playing my favorite sport.

“Anyway, one day early on, I was working out in the gym and there was this gorgeous guy who always seemed to be there the same time I was. Turns out he was on the baseball team. Andhe was a year older. We became friends even though I was totally smitten. By spring semester, he made it clear that he’d be open to a relationship if I were ‘more his type’.”

My stomach turns. “You mean if you were thin.”

“Exactly.”

I shake my head in disgust. “Regan, you didn’t.”

“I was a love-sick nineteen-year-old who was being propositioned by the hot first baseman on the varsity team. Of course I did.”

I have a feeling I know where this is going, but I let her tell me.

“I wanted him so badly, I began starving myself. I let him become my personal trainer. He’d push me so hard, even my fingernails would hurt. And he’d always dangle the carrot of a potential relationship. He even had me weighing myself. Promising if I got down to a certain weight, he’d take me to his parents’ second home, a beach cottage in Maine.”

“Jesus.”

“I dropped weight so quickly I started passing out at practice. I blamed it on a virus and the coach believed me. By the end of the spring semester, David and I became a couple. While most students went home, we both stayed on campus for the summer, taking an easy class or two while continuing to hone our athletic skills. And he made good on his promise. He took me to Maine.”

I tense. “What did that motherfucker do?”

“He didn’t hurt me, if that’s what you’re thinking. It was the first time we got naked together. He was so appreciative of my newly sculpted body that I didn’t even care how controlling he was becoming. It didn’t even occur to me until later that he dictated everything in our relationship. Where we partied. When we worked out. What I ate.”

“What you ate,” I repeat angrily.

“If he saw a hamburger on my plate, he’d ask if I wanted to go back to being the fat girl. He insisted he was only looking out for my health, and my future on the team, but I knew what he really meant—that he’d break up with me.

“By the time fall semester rolled around, my diet consisted strictly of salads, chicken breasts, and broccoli. When my coach saw me, he freaked and asked if I was sick. Needless to say, I didn’t make the team sophomore year, not even JV. But by then, I was too far gone. Too much under his spell. He took care of me like I was an injured bird. He protected me—or so I thought.”

“And the orgasm thing?”

“It didn’t bother him at first. I think all men get that women don’t come every time, and especially not until they’re comfortable with their partners. But after we’d been doing it for months, he started to get mad. Like, he’d yell at me, asking what’s wrong with me, telling me I didn’t love him if I couldn’t come.

“So I started faking it. It was so much easier that way. He’d get his rocks off, and he’d be happy that I did too. It went on that way for almost two years, until he graduated.”

“What happened then?”

“Believe it or not, I’d never met his parents until his graduation. It was the most eye-opening moment of my life. When I saw his dad, it was like looking at an older version of David. And his mom, she was this pathetic little puppy who followed his dad around and obeyed his every command. She was a Stepford wife. My future flashed in front of me, and I knew if I didn’t get out then and there, I’d never be the same. So I broke it off.”

I smile and nod. “That-a-girl.”

“If it were only so easy.”

“Ah, shit. What did he do?”

“He stalked me at my school apartment. He said he still wanted me even though I’d immediately started gaining back the weight I’d lost. A few months later, he broke in and”—she turns and looks away—“killed my cat.”

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