Page 132 of Crazy Imperfect Hearts

I laugh sadly. “I think we have a little too much going on at the moment. Not to mention I don’t want to fuck things up.”

“If you think this little situation of yours isn’t already fucked up, you’re not as smart as I thought you were. Lucas, man the hell up and tell her. What if something happens to Mitchell? She’s going to need you more than ever. On the flip side, what if something doesn’t happen and he gets released tomorrow? What if the two of them go back to living in her little apartment over her little shop, and you become the part-time dad who has to watch from the sidelines?

“Or… what if you tell her how you really feel and you get everything you’ve ever wanted since you were fourteen fucking years old?”

My eyebrows shoot up. “You knew? All that time you knew, and you never said anything?”

“Brother, everyone knew you had a boner for Regan. Thenandnow.”

“Shedidn’t. Neither did Ryder. Not back then.” I snort and jerk my wrist. “Her dad definitely did.”

A sour look crosses his face. “I’m sure I don’t want to know what you mean by that.”

“No.” I laugh. “You don’t.” I thumb to the back. “Listen, I have to shower and grab a bite to eat and then get back to the hospital.”

“Hey, before you get back to dad life, do you have any idea why Allie is acting so goddamn strange?”

“She is, isn’t she? And no. Maybe that Asher guy dumped her.”

“Not according to Marti. They’re seeing each other at least every other month. Texting a lot too.”

“Is there something there?”

He shrugs. “Nothing she’ll admit. But you know Allie, she’s never been one for relationships. Not since that guy Jason way back when. Anyway, is there anything I can do for you? Here or at work? You know you don’t have to worry about work, right? We’ve got you covered as long as you need.”

“I know. Thanks. And all I need is to get back to my son and—”

“And Regan.” He snorts, clearly amused by his masterful observation skills, and heads for the door. “See ya soon, brother.”

I stare at the tequila bottle, contemplating another shot. But if I take one, I won’t be clear. And believe me, the first time I feed my son, I want to remember every goddamn second. Every suckle of his lips. Every tiny movement of his body. Every look from his mother, who will most definitely be watching.

I set down the bottle and stride to the bathroom. Fuck eating. I just need to get back there. Because I can’t wait. I can’t wait for the rest of my life to start. And I vow right here and now that some way, somehow, I’m going to make it be withthem.

Chapter Forty-five

Lucas

“Two days without a spell,” Christa declares as soon as I walk through the door. “Progress.”

I breathe.

There’s this moment I have every time I enter the NICU. A moment where I stop breathing because what if he had another episode? Or worse. Time ceases to exist and doesn’t start again until I see that he’s okay.

The rocking chair next to his incubator is vacant. I look around. “Am I the first one here?”

She holds a small bottle out. “Early bird gets the worm.”

Yup. That’s me. The early bird. I’m here at five o’clock in the morning because I haven’t slept more than a few hours each night. Hell, I slept better the two nights I was here at the hospital even though I kept getting up to go to the NICU.

I smile, sit, and wait for Mitchell to be placed in my arms. This is when my heart starts beating again. When the world is right. Because when I’m outside those doors—when I’m at home without him—the world is definitely not as it should be.

I glance at the empty stool next to me knowing it’s still not right. There’s one more thing missing.

“He’s been eating so well,” Christa says as he takes to the bottle. “In fact, at this morning’s weigh in, he’s back to his birth weight. It takes some preemies much longer to achieve that.”

I beam. “That’s my boy.”

I hold him for two hours, until my eyes can’t stay open anymore. I need coffee.

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