Page 128 of Crazy Imperfect Hearts

“I’m not sure what you think you saw, but it wasn’t that. He’s really just pampering me. End of story.” I gaze out the window, sadness becoming a dominant emotion once again. “It’s just sometimes I worry about my ability to do this alone.”

Maddie’s arm comes around me. “No matter what happens, you’re most definitely not doing this alone. We’re here for you. All of us.”

Are they all? Will they all be? Willhebe?

Sure, Lucas has been kind, generous, and super attentive. But now that the baby’s here and I’m no longer this fragile vessel carrying his child, things will change. No more walks through the park. No catered meals once I’m out of the hospital. No daily checks to make sure I’m okay.

I sigh, pushing the thoughts out of my head, then motion to the bag of sweets. “Now if you don’t mind, I recently pushed a human out of my vagina and I’m starving.”

Chapter Forty-four

Lucas

My back is killing me from sleeping on the couch in Regan’s hospital room for two nights in a row. Not to mention how sleep deprived I am from waking every few hours to go be with Mitchell so Regan can get a full night’s sleep.

This morning, knowing Dad is with him, I let myself linger in bed—or on couch, as it may be—and watch a sleeping Regan. She looks peaceful despite our situation. She has this quiet little snore/snort that occasionally wakes me. Has she always done it, I wonder? Only once have I slept in bed with her all night. A fact that is becoming more painful the longer I have these feelings.

Her eyes open and she stares at me sleepily. I’m ten feet away, but I might as well be right next to her with how she’s looking at me. I see the appreciation in her eyes for all that I’ve done. But what she doesn’t realize is thatshe’sthe one who did everything. She did all the hard stuff. Going through morning sickness, monitoring her weight and blood pressure, making sure she was eating all the right things. Giving birth.

“You’re my goddamn hero,” I say. “I hope you know that.”

She smiles lazily. “I like waking up to your smile. It lets me know everything is okay.”

I sit up. “Everythingisokay. My dad came around four this morning.”

Her arms stretch above her head as she yawns. “Your parents have been amazing.”

“I told you, the Montanas do anything for family.”

Her gaze falls to the floor. She’s suddenly sad. I bet she’s wishing she had a better relationship with her parents.

“Do you know if Mitchell had another spell last night?”

“Not as far as I know.”

“Good.” She sits up, puts on her slippers and robe, and heads to the bathroom.

I take the opportunity to run down the hall and get her some crappy hospital coffee since the breakfast I ordered won’t be here for a few hours.

“Thanks,” she says, taking the cup from me when I return. She sits morosely on the couch, moving aside the blanket I was sleeping under. “I was just thinking, they’re going to kick me out today. I’ll be ten minutes away.” A tear rolls down her cheek. “I know he’s okay without us here twenty-four seven. And I know we’ll be here a lot. But when I envisioned going home from the hospital, it was a whole lot different.”

I sit next to her and let her cry on my shoulder. I hate that she’s crying. But I love that she’s leaning on me in her time of need.

“What if something happens and I’m not here?” She sniffs and snivels. “What if he—” She full-on sobs into my chest.

I take the coffee from her and set it on the floor. “Hey. He’s not going to. You heard the nurses yesterday. He’s doing very well despite his spells. He may never even have another one. His nervous system is maturing more and more every day.”

My shirt is soaked from her tears. Damn, I wish there was more I could do.

I brush a hair off her forehead. “You know what? If you want to stay, I’m sure we can arrange something. The hospital must have an empty room somewhere. I’ll pay whatever it takes if that’ll make you feel better.”

“I can’t let you do that.” She pulls away and wipes her face. “I’m just being hormonal. I’ll only be a few minutes away. I just hate the idea of leaving this place without him.”

I nod. “I know. Do you… do you want me to come sleep on your couch or something?”

Her head shakes. “Ryder is still there. He can take care of me.”

Her words are like a vise around my heart.Iwant to be the one there.Iwant to be the one taking care of her.

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