Page 99 of Crazy Imperfect Hearts

I page through the ultrasound photos, my eyes getting misty. It’s happening. These photos prove it. Despite the fact that most days it doesn’t feel like it. I cup my belly, that isn’t much bigger than it usually is, and long to feel the hardness of my growing uterus underneath. The movement of my baby.Anysigns of the life growing inside me.

Dr. Russo said those things will happen soon enough. Still—I crave them.

Is that why I haven’t told anyone? Because it’s just not real enough for me yet?

I trace my finger along the photo on my phone remembering Lucas’s reaction to the ultrasound. His eyes were glued to the screen. When little M&M started moving around and we saw it, he took my hand and squeezed. I’m not even sure he knew he did it. It felt good. Normal even. It was comforting and exciting at the same time. And when he moved it away to point to something and ask Dr. Russo a question, I immediately wanted it back.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve visited Lucas over the past six weeks. A shameful amount, I’m sure. It’s as if I’m addicted to his touch. Or the orgasms he provides. I’ve tried to convince myself the feelings aren’t real. That those twinges inside me every time I see him, hear his voice, or even receive a text, aren’t genuine. I tell myself it’s the hormones. That I’d be sleeping with anyone who offered at this point. But I know I’m only fooling myself. Because I’ve gone and done the worst thing.

I’ve fallen for him.

I set down my phone, cover my face with my hands, and sigh. Because I know what this means. I can’t go over to his place now.

Or ever.

It would be torture pining away for someone who is not, nor will ever be, able to commit to anything but the family business. And I’d be crazy to think I’m any different than all the other women.

He’s committed to the baby.

But I guess we’ll see about that. Only time will tell.

My heart hurts. I feel like I’m going through a breakup even though we were never technically together. Not really. And I only have myself to blame. I mean, I practically threw myself at the man. We’ve spent so much time together. On our walks. In bed. Of course I fell for him. He’s handsome and kind and funny. And a stallion in the sack. What’s not to love?

I stiffen.Love?No. No, no, no. That’s not what this is. It’s a crush. A crush fueled by my out-of-control hormones.

The bells over the front door chime and Maddie’s grandmother comes into the shop. I paste on a smile. “Hey, Rose. I didn’t know you were bringing anything today.”

“I’m not. I was walking by and saw you sitting there looking sad. Is everything okay, sweetie?”

I nod rather unconvincingly.

She walks up to the counter. “Sometimes it helps to talk.”

I swallow the tears that threaten, cursing my hormones once again. “Really, I’m okay, Rose.”

She puts her old, weathered, freckled hand over mine. “It looks to me like you’re anything but.” She gives my hand a squeeze. “Does this have anything to do with that boy, Lucas Montana?”

I straighten and my eyes connect with hers. “No,” I lie. “I mean, of course not. Why would you say that?”

“I see things, dear. And I get feelings. You’re usually such a happy person, but to look at you now, nobody would think it. You have such a sad energy about you.” She gazes right into my eyes and seems to leap directly into my soul. “The life in you normally shines so bright—” She stops talking mid-sentence and looks at my stomach, which I instinctively try to suck in. She nods over and over and pats my hand.

Could she possibly know?

“There are times in a woman’s life where she just needs her friends,” she says. “I think now is one of those times, no?” She’s staring back into my eyes, waiting for me to disagree with her. “Fine, then. I’ll send Maddie and Ava right over.”

“I… I…” I can’t think of a single reason why not. Rose is right. Whether or not she knows what’s really going on with me, she’s right. And it’s time. I’ve put it off long enough. I blow out a deep sigh. “Okay. I was about to close up anyway.”

“Everything will work out in the end, Regan.”

“Thanks, Rose.”

Thirty minutes later, my two best friends knock on my door. “Hey, guys. Thanks for coming.”

Both of them look at me suspiciously. “Why did my grandmother arrange this meeting?” Maddie asks.

“Are you okay?” Ava says, eyeing me up and down. “You’re not sick are you?”

I lead them into the living room. “Wait here, I’ll get drinks.” I look at Maddie. “Are you still nursing?”

---