Page 40 of Crazy Imperfect Hearts

“We could do a blood test. But it’ll have to be sent to the lab. Odds are you’ll get your period by then.” She nods to the test strip. “Those are very reliable. Over ninety-nine percent.”

“But what if I’m the one percent?”

“Do you know how many times I hear that, Regan?”

“Please, Dr. Russo. I have to know for sure.” I glance at the machine in the corner. “Can you do an ultrasound?”

“A five-week fetus is smaller than a grain of rice.”

“But there would be other signs, wouldn’t there?”

She sighs. I know I’m being pushy. But Ihaveto know.

“At five weeks, the only thing we’re likely to see is the gestational sac and yolk sac, but even those aren’t guaranteed.”

“Please?”

“Okay. But like I said, no guarantees.”

“Thank you.”

“Remove your lower clothing. It’s a vaginal ultrasound.”

I quickly do as she asks as she powers up the machine, types things on the keyboard, and rolls it over.

She lowers the head of the exam table. “Just lie back and relax.”

Right. I couldn’t relax now if my life depended on it.

I feel her insert the long steel rod covered by what looks like a condom and lube.He used a condom, I think, not for the first time.

She studies the screen for quite a long time before she speaks. Then she says, “Regan, what I’m seeing here is the normal uterus of a woman who is about to have her period. Your uterine lining is thicker, and I can’t see any indication of a gestational or yolk sack. Dear, you’re not pregnant.”

“I’m…not?”I say in a morose tone that surprises even me.

“If you really need further verification, I’ll do a blood test. But, honestly Regan, all you’ll be doing is adding to your bill.” She pulls out the wand, removes her gloves, and places a hand on my arm. “When you came in, I was sure this was something you didn’t want. But now… I’m getting the feeling that perhaps you did.”

I look up at the ceiling and blink away traitorous tears. What the hell is happening to me?

She lets me lie here and puts her things away.

“I’ll send a nurse in for the blood if you really want it.”

I shake my head.

“Okay then.” She pauses before she reaches the door. “Regan, if it’s in your plans to become a mother, you may want to start solidifying those plans. I know you’re not married, but there are plenty of single women having babies. I can even refer you to a sperm bank. You have options. And you still have time. I’m just saying, you might want to figure out sooner rather than later how you really feel.”

She offers one last smile, then she leaves.

Me—I break down in tears, sobbing for the baby that never was. The one I never knew I wanted.

Chapter Fifteen

Lucas

She texted me two words on Monday:I’m in.

When I read them, I was instantly hard. I’ve been thinking about it all week, how I’m going to make her come. It’s definitely like I’m right back in high school.

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