Page 124 of Crazy Imperfect Hearts

He cups my face and wipes my tears with his thumbs. “I know. I’m the same way. Earlier, I nodded off in the chair by your bed and when I came to, it was like I’d forgotten for a second. But then, wham! It hit me and kind of took the wind out of me. I’m a dad. You’re a mom. We’re parents.” He shakes his head. “Unbelievable.”

His hands fall away. I miss them. I miss them more than I want to admit.

A nurse comes out to scan our ID bracelets, then we go through the doors. The last time I was in here, I was in a wheelchair. My mind was all over the place. All I could think about was seeing Mitchell. But now that I’m up and walking, I notice things I didn’t. Like what I can only assume is a micro-preemie who is barely even there, tubes and wires overtaking theentire body. A tiny mask over the eyes. I cover my mouth. “Oh my god.”

“That’s Sam and Kendall Willis’s daughter. She was born last week at twenty-seven weeks.”

I continue to stare at the miniscule human, wondering how it’s possible a baby that small can even survive. When I arrive at Mitchell’s incubator, he suddenly seems so much larger, even though he himself is so small.

A nurse I’ve never seen before comes over and introduces herself. “I’m Kayla. You must be Regan. Your husband told me all about you.”

“Um… what?” Lucas hems and haws. “We’re not… she’s not…”

“We’re just friends,” I say.

Lucas sighs heavily beside me, probably relieved the pretty nurse knows the truth now.

“I’m sorry,” Kayla says. “I’m fairly new here. And to Calloway Creek. I just assumed by the way he spoke about you. Anyway, are you ready to hold him? He’s a cutie.”

Before I can register what she said about Lucas, an alarm sounds. Unlike when I was here before, it’s not behind us, or on the other side of the room. It’s right here. It’s Mitchell’s alarm. My heart goes into overdrive. Something is wrong.

Kayla immediately goes into action. She reaches into Mitchell’s incubator, puts a hand on him, and shakes slightly. My feet almost go out from under me. I stop breathing. Arms come around me, holding me up.

The alarm stops, but my heart doesn’t start. And I feel like I might vomit.

“What’s happening?” Lucas asks, horror lacing his words.

“It’s okay,” Kayla says. She touches my arm. “He’s okay. Look, he’s even awake now.”

My hand comes to my chest as I stare at his open eyes. “But… what happened?”

“He stopped breathing for a sec—”

Lucas’s grip tightens on me. “He stoppedbreathing?”he exclaims, pulling the words straight from my brain.

“Oh my god!” I cry.

“Breathe, Mom,” Kayla says. “It’s not uncommon for this to happen with preemies. It’s called an A & B episode. That stands for apnea and bradycardia. It’s where they temporarily stop breathing and experience a slowed heart rate. We call them ‘spells’ here.”

I reach out and touch the plastic side of the incubator. “Has he had one before?”

“No.”

“Will it happen again?” Lucas asks.

“Hard to say. Maybe, maybe not. His nervous system isn’t mature yet. That can lead to irregular breathing patterns. But you can see all it took was a light shake, just a little gentle stimulation, to get him back on track. The doctor will discuss it in more detail, but that’s the gist of it.”

“What if it happens when he’s at home?” My chest seizes. “Could he just die in his crib?”

“First, it’s unlikely that will happen. Second, he won’t be allowed to leave the NICU until he’s gone five days without a spell.” She sees the tears pooled in my eyes. “Regan, it’s okay. That’s why he’s here and hooked up to the monitors.”

Lucas’s arm is wrapped tightly around me. He squeezes my shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. He’s okay. Look at him. He’s perfect.”

My heartbeat slowly returns to normal as I watch Mitchell’s little hand twitch. As I see the steady rise and fall of his chest. “Can I even hold him now?”

Kayla reaches in to prep him. “It’s preferable that you do. Babies respond very well to touch.”

He’s placed in my arms for only the second time in his short life. I want to squeeze him against me and never let him go.

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