Page 94 of Loud Unspoken Memories

Before starting the engine, I look at Abe the snowman. He still wears the scarf I gave to Marti. He probably always will. That is until he’s a pile of mush and the piece of fabric lies on the dirt.

I’m glad I won’t be here to see him melt. It would be like seeing…ah, hell, I need to get the fuck out of my head.

I drive another fifty miles to the only hotel around, get a room for Bex and me, then walk next door and buy a bottle of tequila. When the bottle is half empty, I lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling. Bex jumps up and stretches out next to me. I give him a pat when he puts his head on my chest.

“It’s just not the same, buddy.” I close my eyes and let sleep pull me under.

~ ~ ~

I float down the flower-lined aisle toward the altar. Phoebe’s back is to me, but she’s still beautiful. Her gown is allbuttons and lace and fits her like a glove. I can’t wait to peel her out of it later. A veil covers her head, but I just know her hair is down and flowing over her shoulders, just the way she knows I like it.

Why is nobody here? Am I that early? As I approach, however, I see one person occupying a chair in the front. It’s DJ. He’s got a huge smile on his face.

“You look handsome, Dad.”

I cock my head and study him. When did he get so darned old? Kids grow up so fast these days. It seems like just yesterday he was six months old and I was bouncing him on my knee.

I reach Phoebe. She turns to me, but I still can’t see her through the mesh of the veil.

She takes my hands in hers. “You saved me. You saved him.”

DJ hops off the chair and runs over, hugging us both.

But when I look down, it’s not DJ. This boy has hazel eyes and dark hair with a cowlick on one side.

“I’m so happy, Dad.”

Confused, I look up at Phoebe, who’s no longer wearing her veil. In fact she’s not wearing a wedding dress at all. She’s in a Yale hoodie. And… she’s not Phoebe. She’s Marti.

“Wait… no,” I say, backing away from them. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.”

When I turn to run, Phoebe is sitting in the front pew holding our infant son, running a soothing hand over his platinum-blond hair.

She looks up at me. “You can love them,” she says. “You can love themandus. That’s the great thing about love. There is an endless well of it in your heart. An infinite capacity. It can never become too full.” She stands, DJ in her arms, and she walks away from me. There’s a cloud behind her. A light thatresembles the glow of a fire. Before she walks into it, she turns once more. “The well will never run dry, Dallas.”

I step toward them. “But… you said I could never replace you. You asked why I saved her and not you.”

“No. That was you.Yousaid those things. It was all you, Dallas. We have to go now. And you need to let us.”

“I can’t. I can never let you go.”

She smiles brightly, as luminescent as the fiery hue behind her. “We’ll see you again. On DJ’s birthday. On mine. Until then, my love, go fill your well. Fill it as full as you can and then fill it some more.”

She turns, DJ in her arms, and they both disappear into a wall of flames.

I spin back to the altar, but it’s gone too. My arms grow heavy. When I look down, I’m holding DJ, but he’s older. No, not DJ. Charlie.

“I love you, Dad,” he says.

I jolt awake, sweat running off my temple. Because… What. The. Fuck.

Chapter Thirty-eight

Martina

Bright light shines from overhead. I swing an arm over my eyes to keep it out.

Wait… light? The power is back on?

---