Page 88 of Loud Unspoken Memories

“I’m aware.”

“Are you?”

Thankfully, the waiter brings the check, saving me from having to answer. I take a hundred from my wallet and throw it on the table. “I’d better go check on Bex.”

Asher doesn’t follow me. In fact, I hear him order another drink. It’s a lot to process for a big brother, so I can hardly blame him.

Once off the elevator and approaching the room, I realize my mistake. I don’t have a room key. Turns out I don’t need it, as I hear laughter coming from the other side of the door. Achild’slaughter.

I stop and lean against the wall, processing a thousand emotions all bombarding me at the same time.

There are two people behind that door. One represents everything I lost. The other gave me a taste of hope… of a future I thought wasn’t in the cards… of simply living again.

The one hurdle—the one thing I can’t get past—is that the two people behind this door come as a package deal. But I fear that package could never give me what I crave. What I need. What I now know I want.

Inner fucking peace.

Chapter Thirty-six

Martina

There’s a knock on the door and I race over, because it has to be Dallas. Asher would have used the key.

Relief swells through me when I see his face.

“What?” he says. “Did you think I was going to leave Bex stranded here?”

I bite my lip. “So you just came back for the dog?”

He doesn’t answer. Because with the way we’re looking at each other, he doesn’t need to. My heart pounds not knowing if I have two more minutes or two more hours with him.

“How’s Anita?” he asks, crossing the threshold.

“Drugged up on Valium. She’s having a hard time. I’m not sure if my being there helped or just brought up more memories she couldn’t deal with. There was no point in our staying after she’d gone down, so we ate at McDonalds and then came back here. Charlie’s been playing with Bex for about twenty minutes. I think he’s in love.”

He’s not the only one, the voice in my head screams.Tell him!

Charlie squeals gleefully behind us. Bex has all but pinned him to the floor and is licking his face, the dog’s large tongue almost the size of Charlie’s cheek.

Dallas strides over. “Easy, boy.” Bex sits dutifully at Dallas’s side. “I don’t think he realizes he’s as big as you are.”

“I’ll be bigger,” Charlie exclaims. “Mommy says I’m a weed.”

Dallas chuckles and my whole world flips upside down. He’s talking with my son.Andhe’s laughing. My heart couldn’t be fuller.

“You’ll be bigger than him in no time, I’m sure,” Dallas says.

“Dallas?” Charlie says, sounding as cute as ever as his three-year-old lisp makes Dallas’s name sound more likeDallith.

Dallas sits on the bed. I can tell he’s hesitant, but at least he’s not running out the door. “What is it, Charlie?”

“Will you swim with me?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t have a swimsuit.”

“Unca Asher took me to the big store. He can take you too. Then you can swim.”

“I think the store might be closed,” I say, coming up with an excuse for Dallas. The last thing he needs right now is my son asking to jump into his arms off the side of a pool. While every fiber of my being longs for it to happen, I know it’s simply not possible. Not today. Possibly not ever.

---