Page 80 of Loud Unspoken Memories

Because shit happens. Look at our lives. It’s almost unbelievable the tragedies that have touched us both. She’s lost both parents, a child, and now, Charles.

Maybe that’s why she didn’t say it. Because she too knows that love only leads to heartbreak.

If you don’t have anything, you have nothing to lose.

My phone vibrates with a text. I get it off the nightstand. It’s from Luther.

I close my eyes and let my head fall back onto the pillow as all kinds of emotions worm their way through me. Disappointment. Sadness. Pain.

“What is it?” Marti whispers.

I put my phone down and turn toward her. I swipe a piece of hair behind her ear and try to look happy. “Good news. My road is going to be plowed today. Luther said he can tow your car later.”

Her chin quivers. She tries to blink away tears. She looks on the outside how I feel on the inside.

“Th-that’s great,” she stutters, unconvincingly.

“You’ll finally get to Charlie. You must be so happy.”

She nods. She nods even though tears stream down the side of her face.

“Oh my god.” She covers her eyes. “I’m being so dramatic. Of course I want to see my son. It’s just… just…”

I pull her toward me and wrap her in a hug. “I know.”

We embrace for a long time, neither of us moving. Because we both know it’s over. That when we get out of bed, the world changes. It goes back to what it once was.

She leaves.

I stay.

Finally, I pull away and cup her chin. “Your son needs you.”

Sniffing, she says, “Why does all of this feel like a dream? One I’m just now waking up from?”

I laugh sadly, because she stole the words right out of my mouth.

“I mean, it’s crazy to think that over the last ten days, I almost died four times. I survived a car accident, a frozen pond, a cell tower, and a bear. That’s like a lifetime’s worth of near-death experiences. Not to mention you may have given me a lifetime’s worth of orgasms.”

I chuckle.

But I don’t respond. I don’t tell her that what she’s given me over this past week and a half is a lifetime’s worth of memories. Memories that will make me happy and not sad. Memories that may even get me through the dark times. Good memories that are almost as loud as the bad ones.

She swipes a finger across my lower lip. “Promise me you’ll celebrate their birthdays. You’ll make a cake and remember all the things you loved about them. You’ll eat the entire thing, even if it’s only you.” She offers a sad smile. “I’m sure Bex will be happy to help.”

I nod reassuringly. “I promise.”

“And holidays. You need to celebrate them. Spend them with Allie and your brothers. Your parents. You need people, Dallas. They miss you so much. I know they do. Promise me you’ll go back to Calloway Creek, even just for the day. Or invite them here. There’s so much more life left in you. I don’t want you to waste it.”

I shrug. “Maybe I’ll go home for Christmas.”

“That would make them very happy. Not that it matters, but it would makemevery happy.”

I hold her stare. “It matters. And what about you? What’ll you do for Christmas?”

“I’ll spend it with Asher, Bug, and Charlie. It’ll be hard without Charles, but we’ll get through it. We’ll get through it because we have each other. And we’ll remember everyone who’snot with us. I’ll remember Dad, Mom, Charles. I’ll remember Alex.” An errant tear rolls down her cheek. “I’ll remember you.”

My throat thickens. I have to wait a moment to speak. “I’ll remember you too.”

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