Page 28 of Loud Unspoken Memories

It’s a horrible, awful, tasteless joke, I know, but I’m not exactly thinking straight.

Her gentle laugh tickles my arm. “Oh, my g-god. You d-did not just say th-that.”

My shoulders shake in silent laughter. “You sure do like to tell me that a lot.”

She cranes her head slightly, looking at me the best she can when my front is to her back. “Y-you say a lot of inappropriate th-things.”

“I suppose I do. Now shush. Save your energy. Just lay here and get warm.”

Slowly, over the period of what must be an hour, I feel her body temperature return to normal. In fact, I think she’s fallen asleep. Which is fine, now that she’s out of the woods and I’m still pressed against her hard enough to feel her heartbeat.

Her foot caresses mine. “Thank you for saving me.”

“My pleasure.”

She shimmies her butt. “Is that Bex’s god-awful stick poking my backside, or are you happy to see me?”

I pull away slightly, knowing she’s got not only her wit back, but all her feeling. “Well let’s see, I’m lying next to a naked woman who’s been basically vibrating against me for the last hour. Shoot me for having a completely natural physiological reaction.” I sigh. “And please never refer to a man’s penis as god-awful. I may develop an inferiority complex.”

“My apologies.” She snickers and turns to face me. “But are you… naked?”

“It was the fastest way to warm you up. You almost died, Marti.” I scrub my hand across my eyes and down my face. “You scared the shit out of me.”

She grimaces. “Not on this mattress I hope.”

Bursts of air shoot from my nose. I’m laughing when I should be crying. But this girl. This woman.

I take the blanket off her head and let heat from the fire further dry her hair.

“In all seriousness, I thought you were dead. When I found you trapped under the ice, eyes closed and not moving, I was sure you were gone.”

I feel sick to my stomach just thinking of it. It’s an all too familiar feeling. One I hoped I’d never experience again.

Tears roll down the sides of her face. “I wanted to die. Not at first. But, Dallas, I was so cold. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think. There was so much pain, like a thousand knives were piercing my skin. I just wanted it over.” She starts full-on sobbing. “I thought about Charlie and how he was going to be an orphan like me. I know Asher would have stepped up, but my son would have lost both parents in less than a week. How could I have given up so easily? Why didn’t I fight?”

“You did fight, Marti. There were claw marks all over the ice.”

She brings her hands up in front of her face. “My nails are all broken.”

“You fought for as long as you could. No one can blame you for giving up. I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to be trapped underneath ice.”

Except, in a way, I can. I feel it’s where I’ve been trapped for years. Yes, I can breathe. I can exist. But that’s about all. And a lot of days, Idothink about giving up.

“It was horrible. I was so scared.” She leans close and cries into my shoulder. I let her. I let her cry and sob and get it all out. She had a brush with death.Again. Only this time, she was on its damn doorstep. And she nearly crossed the threshold. That’s got to mess with a person.

“I know. I know.” I rub her shoulder. “You’re safe here. I promise.”

There’s that word again.Promise. The word I shouldn’t be saying to anyone.

You saved her.

It doesn’t matter. Phoebe and DJ—the ones Icouldn’tsave—are still dead. Rescuing someone else can’t simply erase that reality. I could save a hundred people and it still wouldn’t matter. The ones who really count aren’t here.

Now tears are collecting inmyeyes.

She sees them and reaches out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know there was a pond back there. I was trying to get a good stick for Bex.” She stiffens. “Bex! Is he okay?”

Hearing his name, Bex trots over and puts his head near hers. She gives him a pat. “Thank goodness. That must have been horrible for him. For both of you.”

---