Page 112 of Loud Unspoken Memories

I shoot eye daggers at Blake.“Yougo the fuck home. It’s a hell of a lot easier when you’ve got something to go home to.”

“Okay. I’m sick of this shit,” Lucas says. “We’ve all been tiptoeing around you for weeks. Hell, for years if I’m being honest. It’s time for you to grow some fucking balls, Dallas.”

I point to the door. “Get out.”

He doesn’t move an inch. “We sent her the offer last week.”

I try to look uninterested.

“Seriously?” he says, shaking his head in disgust. “I know you want to know.”

“You don’t know dick.”

“She turned it down.”

My eyes snap up. I’m sure I misheard him. No way in a million years did I think she’d turn it down. I saw the offer. It was a lot of money. And a better offer than we’ve ever laid out for any contract employee.

“Shocking, right?” he says. “Or maybe not so much. Because everyone here knows she turned it down because of you.”

“She told you that?”

“She didn’t have to. Why in the hell else wouldn’t she take it? It’s not like she had to move here. She works remotely. It was a killer offer, as you well know. She could have put her kid in private school. Hell, she could have fired all her other clients and still come out ahead. Who in their right mind would turn down a deal like that?”

His head shakes. Disappointment oozes from his every pore. “Brother, are you fucking stupid? You see what I did. Time after time I’ve been such an idiot. And with Lissa especially. I was sure she was my soulmate, man, and I still screwed it up. I have to live with that. Marti is amazing. Beautiful, smart, a great mother. She’s the whole package.”

“Mother.What do you not get about that being the part of the package I can’t deal with?”

“She told me what you did when Charlie went into anaphylaxis. You stepped up. What you did might have saved him from brain damage. You’re twenty-eight years old, Dallas. Are you going to avoid kids for the rest of your life? Because news flash, you already have one niece, and I damn well plan on having kids one day.”

“There’s a big difference between being an uncle and being a… dad.” I still have a hard time forming the word.

“Charlie’s pretty damn amazing. I spent some time with him at the party.”

“He was great with Maisy,” Blake says. “Super smart for a three-year-old.”

“Three-and-a-half,” I say, prompting the two of them to share a look.

“You’ll change your mind one day. Maybe it’ll be in a month, or maybe a year.” Lucas stands, puts his palms on my desk andleans close. “But one day you’ll be ready, and she’ll be someone else’s girlfriend or wife. Will you be able to handle that?”

“Again, get out, Luke.”

“Do you love her?”

“Get. The. Fuck. Out.”

“Do you fucking love her, Dallas?” he shouts in my face.

“Yeah!” I shout back. “I do. Is that what you want to hear? That I’m in love with someone I can never be with. That it fucking hurts every time I think about her? That it hurts almost as bad as the void Phoebe and DJ left? But there’s not a goddamn thing I can do about it.”

“There is, you idiot. Go fill the damn void, Dallas.”

I throw him a look. “Have you and Allie been conspiring?”

“The whole family has been conspiring, man. We all want you to win this one. Don’t you think you deserve it?”

I stand and pace behind my desk. “What if Ican’twin? What if I join the race and fail miserably and never make it to the finish line?” My hands run through my hair in frustration. “What if I fill the void you’re all so eager for me to fill and something happens to take it all away?”

Lucas’s face softens. “Sothat’swhat this is all about? Fear of losing what you have?”

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