Page 99 of Loud Unspoken Memories

It gets hot in the car with the heat blasting, so I take off my coat. Well, notmycoat. Dallas’s coat. I sigh heavily as I reach over and put it in the back seat.

Asher takes his eyes off the road momentarily, looking sorry for me. “Some people are just damaged beyond repair, Marti.” He pats my knee. “I’m really sorry.”

I stare out the window, holding tears at bay. “I don’t think anyone is that damaged. Sure, he’s broken in a way. I am too. But what if…” I look at him as if he has all the answers. “What if it takes one broken person to fix another? Like maybe two broken people can make each other whole somehow. Fill in each other’s cracks.”

“If that’s true, what are you doing here while he’s God knows where?”

“What happened at the hotel had to be terrifying for him. I should know. I’ve lost a child, too. We’ve both been through it. We’ve lived it. And he thought it was happening again.”

“You had brushes with death when you were with him, Marti. He didn’t bail then.”

“He couldn’t, Ash. We were stranded. And he kind of did bail in a way. He’d run away. Literally. As in he’d go out in the forest and run. Or he’d chop wood. It didn’t matter if we’d had a bad moment or a good one, they all seemed to bring back memories of what he was hiding from. But he was changing. I could see it. I could feel it. He celebrated DJ’s birthday. That was a huge step for him. And after we’d… well, you don’t want the details—”

“God, please, no.”

“After he ran out the first time, he began to heal. He stopped pulling away as much. He was opening up to me and sharing some of his past.” I look wistfully out the window. “If we’d only had more time together.”

We pass a sign that marks the western edge of the Tug Hill Region. Asher points to it. “So show up. Go to his cabin and see what happens. Lay it all out for him.”

I shake my head. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Sometimes it’s better to just walk away with the good memories. If I showed up on his doorstep and he rejected me, it would negate those ten days. Right now, I can hold onto them. Asher, I know it sounds strange because Charles had just died and I couldn’t get to Charlie, but those ten days were some of the best of my life.” I sigh. “Besides, even if I wanted to, I’d have no idea how to find his cabin. It’s not like I can just google it. It’s in the middle of nowhere. I doubt it even has an address.”

He pats my knee again. “I’m sorry, Marti. I wish there was something I could do to help.”

“You have helped. You were there for Charlie. And you’re here for me. That’s enough.”

Even though it’s just mid-afternoon, my eyes grow heavy after a few hours on the road. I grab the coat from the back seat and use it as a pillow, balling it up and wedging it betweenmy head and the window. I inhale sharply, hoping it still smells like him. It doesn’t. I’ve worn it so long, his scent is gone, and that saddens me to no end. “I guess I’ll have to send the coat to him somehow,” I muse aloud. “I could mail it to the winery I suppose.”

“Mmm,” Asher mumbles, and turns the music on low.

I fall asleep to Taylor Swift singing about her broken heart, wondering if writing a song would help me get over this crippling hurt that has taken up residence inside me.

~ ~ ~

I’m shaken slightly. “Martina, we’re here.”

I rub my eyes. “How long did I sleep? We’re in Pennsylvania? But it’s not even that dark yet.”

“We’re not in Pennsylvania.”

I look out my window. “So why aren’t we on the highway anymore?”

“Small detour.” He points ahead to a large sign on the side of the road.

Montana Winery.

I stiffen. “Asher! What are you doing?”

He shrugs. “You said you wanted to return the coat to the winery. Well, let’s return the coat to the winery. It was only fifteen minutes out of the way.”

My mouth hangs open.

Fully awake now, I’m picturing a million ways this could turn out. None of them good. “Turn around.”

“Too late. Road’s too narrow.” He pulls onto a long winding road where endless rows of dormant grapevines go on as far as the eye can see. It’s mesmerizing. It’s a piece of Dallas I never thought I’d get to see. A part of his life I didn’t think I’d ever experience.

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