Page 74 of Loud Unspoken Memories

And for the first time in eight long days, I wish Ihadflown. Because then my heart wouldn’t be breaking over a man I love but who is incapable of loving another. A man who, in just a few days’ time, I’ll leave forever.

A man who will always reside inside me to the depths of my very soul.

Chapter Thirty

Dallas

“God damn it!” I come down hard with the ax, missing the wood and almost chopping my foot off.

Who the hell does she think she is, psychoanalyzing me like that? Like I don’t know what I’m doing and why I’m here. She had no right to answer my phone. No business going back in the room after she knew good and well what was in there. No place to try and compare the level of grief we might be feeling.

“Shit.” I turn my back to the cabin, sit on my chopping stump, take my gloves off, and rub my hands across my face.

She lost a child. She lost a child too.How long ago?

That ever-present hum in the back of my mind—the one that reminds me of Phoebe and DJ over and over again—it’s as loud as a fucking chainsaw right now.

I wish she’d never come here. She’s ruining everything.

Snow begins falling. I look up at the sky and wonder if I want it to continue or not.

Not. I shake my head.Definitely not.

Things need to go back to the way they were before this tornado of a woman crashed into my life. I’m perfectly fine being out here by myself. I could stay here forever if I need to.

My thoughts turn to Abe. Only this time, when I picture him, dead and frozen, I see myself. Long hair, burly beard, old… and alone. I close my eyes knowing that’s not how I want to go out of this world, but also knowing it may be how I deserve to.

“I thought you might need some coffee.”

My eyes snap open to see Marti, all bundled up, holding out a steaming mug.

She shrugs. “Consider it a peace offering. I… I’m sorry, Dallas. I crossed the line. It wasn’t my place to say those things. People grieve in different ways, and I shouldn’t have tried to compare—”

She stops talking when my eyes completely bulge out of my head and I look beyond her.

“Dallas?”

“Marti, listen to me. Do not scream. Do not run. Do exactly as I say.”

“Wh-what do you mean?” she asks, stiffening into a statue.

“No sudden movements.” I stand slowly, my heart splintering up my throat. “Walk toward me slowly and casually. Get right behind me.”

She turns her head to see what I’m focusing on. When she sees the black bear standing only twenty feet behind her, the coffee cup falls to the ground, liquid darkening the snow by her feet, and she stifles a cry.

“Marti, get behind me,” I implore through gritted teeth.

She’s visibly shaking, but not from the cold. And she’s frozen in place, unable to move.

Visions flash before me. Her screaming. The bear attacking. Me unable to stop him from mauling her body. Her laying lifeless on the ground, blood slowly turning the snow red like a sick, twisted version of a snow cone.

You can’t lose her.

You can’t lose her too.

My knowledge of black bears and what to do when confronted by one kicks in. I carefully stand up on the stump, making myself look as large as possible. “Now, Marti. Get behind me. No sudden movements.”

I keep the tone of my voice low and casual knowing you shouldn’t be loud around black bears, not unless an attack is imminent. Right now, I think he’s just curious.

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