Page 21 of Quiet Beautiful Things

Ellie shrugs.

Ellie: I’m working on it. It’ll come soon. She may suspect already.

I pick up my phone, wanting her to understand clearly.

Me: You say you shouldn’t eat here. How about at a restaurant? Not tonight, but maybe another day? I have family willing to watch Maisy.

She seems to read my text more than once. And she doesn’t look up, not right away. Is she contemplating it? Or am I an idiot for hitting on the woman who’s trying to help Maisy. Ah, shit, maybe I’ve gone and fucked it up just when she was making progress. I tap the table with my fingers, and when she looks up, I shake my head. “Forget I asked. Not a good idea.” I nod to Maisy. “Tell me what to do now.”

Guiltily, as if she wanted to accept my invitation but thought it might be a conflict of interest, she types out a text.

Ellie: Play games. The memory card game would be a good start. Engage her in play with every opportunity. Use the flashcards to communicate for now. Draw lots of pictureswith her. The next time we meet, we’ll talk more about your options. We’ll start to come up with a plan about school. With your blessing, I’d like to see her enrolled in Pre-K at the Deaf school at the very least. It’s a half-day program that will immerse her in ASL, allow her to meet other deaf and hard of hearing kids, and hopefully improve her social skills, which are greatly lacking.

Ellie: If I can leave you with one bit of advice, it would be this: don’t get so wrapped up in her diagnosis that you miss the milestones. It’s not always about being deaf. Don’t forget to enjoy your daughter.

I feel more inadequate than ever with all this information. Especially knowing Ellie is about to leave and I have no idea what will happen next. “When are you coming back? And will you be her teacher at school?”

Ellie: I’m not a teacher. But as her assigned mentor, I will have some one-on-one time with her on a daily basis. Pre-K is every day for three hours. I’ll do home visits three times a week whenever it’s convenient for you. We’ll take her out into the world on some of those. Expose her to stores, restaurants, parks. I get the feeling she’s lived a very isolated life. She’s pale, shy, and only has her stuffed cat as company. I’m afraid your daughter has lived a life devoid of not only communication, but external stimuli. The more we can expose her to,while at the same time teaching her, the faster she’ll acclimate to her new world.

Three home visits a week. My eyes re-scan that sentence.Home visits. Here. Atmyhome. My stomach tightens at the notion of seeing her that often. I feel like a kid with a schoolboy crush on his teacher. His hot, curvy, sexy teacher.

Ellie holds out her hands as if asking, “what?” As I don’t know the sign yet, maybe she is.

I shake my head. I’ve already been shut down. I don’t need her knowing I’ve had fantasies about her this past week, before I even knew who she was or had a conversation with her. And now that I’ve seen her, talked to her, smelled her, those fantasies will not be going away anytime soon.

Ellie: I can see you’re overwhelmed. It’s a lot to take in. For now, let’s concentrate on baby steps. Learning to sign the basics. Focusing on visuals. Using letter cards and picture flashcards. Building her vocabulary. Eventually the hope is to have her bilingual in ASL and English.

As Maisy finishes her milk, and then busies herself with drawing, Ellie gives me pointers on how to communicate when she’s not here to help. She also urges me to buy Maisy a durable iPad, telling me there are lots of programs she can watch that will help her learn to sign.

Ellie: Everything you do at this point should be educational. But also fun. At bathtime for instance, get foam letters and make learning exciting and silly. Mealtime can be about counting peas. Clothing choices can teach her names of colors. Make her a part of it.Learn with her. Once you both learn signs, you should try and sign everything you say. And we should sign every conversation.

Me: EVERY conversation, Ellie?

She reads my text, then looks up at me as if she knew I texted it because I wanted her to be clear on every word.

I can almost see a shiver run through her as if the connotation behind my words sent tingles down her spine. And then…bingo, I see the blush. Good, I’m glad she understands I really would like to have more conversations with her that may not necessarily be centered around my daughter.

Ellie: Every conversation that concerns her. Basically, every conversation that a hearing child would be privy to. And you’ll need to help her feel included by letting her know about the sounds around her. Deaf people miss out on tons of audiological information throughout the day. We don’t hear the sounds hearing people take for granted. For instance, tell her someone is at the door when the doorbell rings. Better yet, have a visual doorbell installed that will set off flashing lights when rung. Tell her the phone is ringing before you just get up and answer it. Tell her you’re going to make dinner as she won’t be able to hear pans clanging, which clues hearing individuals in to what’s going on in the other room. Tell her your girlfriend is here when you hear her car pull into the driveway. All of that is incidental noise. Dogs barking, a firetruck’s siren in thedistance, conversations going on around her that are clues into people’s behavior. Be her ears and fill in the gaps. It will make her feel included and less isolated.

I smirk and look up from my phone. “I see what you did there, sneaking that in.” I snicker. “I’m not dating, Ellie. There will be no girlfriend pulling into my driveway.”

She shrugs as if she has no idea what she did. But I don’t miss the small, satisfied grin she tries to hide. She stands, typing out another text.

Ellie: It’s time for me to go. The next time I come, Hannah won’t be with me. I don’t feel it’s necessary after this initial meeting as long as you’re comfortable with it. Since you seem eager to learn, you’ll learn faster without someone speaking for me. We can text when needed. Like I said, I’m a pretty good lip reader. With instruction and lots of practice, Maisy can be too if that’s what she wants. The goal is to introduce her to different ways of communicating and then she can choose what she’s most comfortable with. I’m not here to tell you or her what to do. As a parent you have choices. There is no one right way. Each child is different. When she’s older, she may even change the way she wants to communicate. I’m getting ahead of myself. This conversation is for another day. We made good progress today. Maisy is a special little girl.

She swipes on her phone, and I get a glimpse of her calendar as she studies it.

Ellie: What days and times work the best for you? I’ll work around your job.

“I’ll work my job around this. Maisy is my priority.”

She smiles, her whole face lighting up at my proclamation. And damn, my entire body hums at the authenticity of her smile. I have about a hundred things on my plate right now, but my dick is only concerned with one of them.

Ellie: Like I said, she’s lucky. How about M/W/F at 4:00? We’ll spend an hour or two together, the three of us.

Three to six hours a week face-to-face with the enchanting doctor?Yes, please.

Our eyes connect and I give her an affirming nod.

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